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Showing posts from September, 2013

Guardian Angel

I have just finished watching the 41-episode TVB drama, Triumph In the Skies 2.


Was feeling meh with it in the earlier episodes but the last episode really touched my heart.

Captain Cool had some quite meaningful thoughts towards the end of the show. About Guardian Angel.

It made me think, where is my Guardian Angel? Do I, Did I, or Will I have one?

Sometimes, it is not that straightforward.

Sometimes, you need that very moment to be certain about who is the right person.

Does it count when you long for someone's presence when you are in deep shit but then he's not there with you or he simply doesn't care?

My ex and I were 'together' for about a year. Time passed really quickly during that year. Although there were lots of arguments, and even heart-breaking moments, it was sweet, at least i think so.

It's been almost 6 months. Days passed rather quickly too.

I wonder if it is the effect of being depressed. There is simply nothing to look forward to. For the day…

Visiting Mr McDreamy

I am actually at work now, piles of credit card statements for me to account for and to file, but am procrastinating.

Maybe accounting job is not really my cup of tea. It's simple, for the current position, but not interesting.

Anyway, I visited the handsome GP (Previous visit HERE) again this morning.

For the past month, I've been feeling feverish, tired, anxious.

For the past week, mildly runny nose, frequent urination at night, sleep affected, right lower back pain yesterday, and mild pain in right testes.

I am worried that something may be wrong with my kidney. So I made an appointment yesterday to see him.

After telling all the symptoms, I was actually expecting that he would ask me to undress. Already showered and all that...LOL

But he just said it could be due to anxiety. So he printed out a DASS 'test'. It's a psychological test, it has a list of questions for me to answer. Just had to rate each question from 0 to 3.

So, the scores I had showed that I might…

Half day trip- Canberra

Flew to Canberra this morning on an ATR-72 Virgin Australia plane.

It's my first time to be on a mini plane like this. Was feeling quite excited haha. 
With my new 5s, I have this passbook app so I checked in online last night and had my electronic pass ready on my phone. 
I proceeded straight to the gate and upon boarding, I only had to handover my phone, proudly, to the staff for her to scan. Not sure if she noticed its a two day old 5s! My baby! 
Though it's a small plane, the seats were quite spacious. Two seats on each side. I got the window seat so I was able to capture a video when the plane took off! So cool. Always like the thrust and the take off. 
Was a bit surprised with the complimentary snack, as I thought its just a short trip and they wouldn't bother to serve food. 
Had a 'moosli' and a cup of coffee. 
The Malaysian high commision was quite efficient. Had what I wanted done in twenty mins and walked a bit along the parks and lakes. Took some photos…

Demons

There is just so much to write about..I don't know where to start.

On Thursday, I woke up with a slight feeling of headache. I actually made plan to visit a chinese doctor on Thursday so I wasn't that worried because the doctor would have more obvious symptoms to make a diagnosis.

Went to see a different doctor this time. The previous doctor at Tong Ren Tang was ok but I didn't want to spend so much on acupuncture and I wanted a second opinion.

The doctor this time wasn't that good at communicating. He wasn't able to give me a precise answer. He only said it's a bit of 'heatiness' and that's it. Prescribed me some chinese herbs and I had the shop to boil for me.

I can still feel a bit of headache now though it's better than Thursdsay. I can still feel the low grade fever. Eyes are not that dry though compared to few days ago.

I seriously don't know what's wrong with me!

I am so tired yet so stressed. I feel like I want to shout out loud.…

Spring, Sydney

Hello! I'm back! 
Dear blog, dear stalkers, sorry for disappearing for the past week or so. Though I was lazy to write, I still read other blog posts almost everyday, they are great stuff to keep me company. 
So what have I been doing? 
I was being lazy in general. Quite addicted to playing DOTA actually. 
I actually started to feel better, physically and mentally. 
Had a few acupuncture sessions in the last few weeks, and with the help of Traditional Chinese Medicine, the feverish feeling has almost disappeared. I still feel some aches around my neck and shoulder area, but I would attribute that to lack of exercise. Just yesterday and today, my nose is a bit runny, just a bit, and the throat is dry. Hopefully it will get better soon. Maybe it's the weather? Better don't over-think. 
I had a counselling session last Monday. Basically, the counselor asked me to stop getting tested because every time I get a test, I would super anxious about it before the test, and feel reli…

You responded, finally.

So after about two months of absolutely nothing from you, you finally replied my text. 
I noticed you unblocked me on Skype a week ago. I dared not to initiate, afraid of getting blocked again. 
Two nights ago, I finally had the courage to say 'hi there'. My heart started to race, I was hoping, praying that I would get a reply. And a few seconds later, you replied. 'What d u wan'
We chatted briefly. More like I asked you how you were doing and you replied me in the shortest way possible. 
Last night, I said hi again. We chatted more. I could sense that you were feeling empty or emo. 
You said sorry. You said you didn't want to hurt me but you never really loved me. You said we both knew that we just wanted someone and we weren't really in love. 
I didn't want to challenge that. I didn't know how to, probably. 
My heart sank. How could it be not real? I asked myself. 
Then, you must have been living in hell during that period. It must be really difficult…

Updates (for myself)

Though it's titled this way, you are still allowed to read it if you want to. 
Thanks for dropping by, reading my mundane posts and spending that minute or two to leave me a comment or send me an email. Thank you. 
The past few days have been quite 'peaceful'. At least, on the surface. 
I had another test done yesterday and got the results today. It's all good and it's been 8 weeks. 
The counsellor said that when one is irrational, he will still try to rationalise his acts/thoughts and try to make them look rational to himself. I am not sure if this is what I've been doing. 
But as far as the test is concerned, there are a few reasons why I am still not 100 percent convinced. 
1. I had taken some traditional chinese medicine, on and off, for a about ten days or so in total, after 28 days post the unprotected oral incident. 
There were studies done and it was proven that some chinese herbs have anti-HIV properties. How much herbs to achieve the suppression, I don…

Seeing the counselor

Weekend just went passed quickly. 
Saturday, I had Yoga, then lunch at nearby McD, took a long walk home. 
Sunday, dim sum with Hx and his two other friends, lingered around in Chinatown a bit (hoping to see him), then church at night. 
Dota and HK drama everyday. 
Had Yoga again this morning. Had an appointment at the sexual health clinic today to see the counselor. 
It's a he this time. Not cute, no fantasies. Don't even know if he's gay but I just assumed that he is so I didn't have to hold back but to tell him my encounters, worries, fears and my ex. 
One hour was really not enough. Most of the time it was me talking and him listening. 
I was at first worried that he wouldn't pay much attention to my stories since he's no one to me but a social worker and that I am not a good speaker. 
But I was kinda impressed with his little summary at the end. It showed that he understood my situation. 
I felt guilty because I cheated on my ex technically. I felt bad bec…