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Showing posts from April, 2014

How Much to Share Your Stress

Just before I went to bed last night, I had a look at the calendar on my phone.

In about six weeks, I will have to submit my thesis. I panicked, and maybe it was a panic attack. My heart started pumping really fast, I couldn't sleep, I was in so much fear and anxiety.

It's not that I had never realised how much time I had got. But last night, the realisation really struck me.

It's not about the quality, it's really about completion now. As long as I complete it, I still have a thesis.

But without good sleep, a day is not really day. I can't think and structure my thoughts properly, let alone writing well.

I started to consider if I should stop my part-time job. I started to think if I should tell Jay that I should stop seeing him for a while.

Not that I think he's distracting me so much, but more about I will become 'a burden' (check out Tuls' post today) to him.

I don't want to share too much of my worries and stress with him. But if we are dat…

New Chapter of My Life?

Had this random thought the other day: Could Jay be a new chapter of my life? 
I think I can let go of my ex already...It's not entirely because of Jay's appearance. It's a combination of different things. I am getting more occupied with Uni work, part-time job. I am not as paranoid. I think I am recovering. 
Having known my ex was definitely a chapter of my life. So many things have happened, either directly or indirectly related to him. 
I have gone through the darkest period of my life. I survived. Because of God. Because of the trust and support from my family (though they still don't know what happened to me until today), and because of many of you here, who were willing to lend me your ears (or eyes). 
As much as I am nervous about the uncertainties ahead, I am happy that I am moving away from the dark days. 
And now, amidst the stress and uncertainties, Jay appeared. 
He's not the type that would message me endlessly. If there's a need to talk, he prefer…

You have dry lips :*

We met up for dinner yesterday. I was so exhausted by evening as I had two meetings in the afternoon, things to do in the morning, and poor sleep the night before. I felt like I could just fall asleep sitting on the bus. 
But it was arranged, plus I wanted to see him la. Also, maybe I wanted to try to be like Williamnyk, so to many things in one day haha. 
Good that he was thinking of having a hair cut, so he didn't have to wait for me doing nothing. 
He suggested German, as he had this voucher and said that he's been and the food was quite good. 
I think I had never had German previously?? 
I was expecting like a fine-dining European setting, but it was actually like an everyday cafe, except that it's serving German food. Business was good. Crowd was mostly Whites. 
Germans are famous for their beer, and they had a long list of beers for us to choose from. We didn't know which one was which, so we just asked for recommendations. He had the darker one. When he asked f…



I want to write about Jay.

Hmm..i don't have supernatural powers so I don't know how things will be like a month or a year from now. But I believe it's always better to pen my thoughts down for the moment as they are still fresh.

How many time have we gone out.

1st time meeting him, we had chinese food and we walked to a random cafe for coffee and cake where I told him quite a lot about me.

2nd time, we had Din Tai Fung and we ordered quite a lot. No pics unfortunately as the lighting wasn't really good for photos. For dessert, I ordered a tiramisu and a red velvet but he was too full already to have them. Wasted food. But I was kinda happy that day as I just got some $$.

3rd time, it was last Thursday, the day before Good Friday. He decided the place this time. It was Thai. The food was okay. We had turmeric spatchcock and Pad Thai and some rice paper rolls as starters (should be viet right? I don't know). For dessert, we walked to the Star casino, which was …

Revamping my work space

Ok, just a short post.

Sleep wasn't good last night. Had to wake up early (8am) to get ready for the 9.30am meeting with supervisor. Took the cab, still 15 mins late. Bad time management.

Had another work meeting at 1pm. Only had less than 10 minutes to gulp down the Beef Donburi. Lasted for 2 hours, and thank God I was able to pay attention.

Right now I am feeling groggy from the lack of sleep but I want to finish posting this.

I had been wanting to redesign my work space, to allow me to sit ergonomically while working on my computer (laptop).

Naughty Prince sent me some guides on how to arrange for an ergonomic work station.

But I was having some cash flow problem previously. Now that I have got some $$ on hand, I can't wait but to go on a shopping spree haha!

So, you got to visualise this yourself, as I don't have the guide with me, it's all in my mind. The simplest rule is that, (maybe for me) is to keep my elbows close to the sides of my torso. And the forearms s…

Distraction/ Attraction

This post is overdue.

So, other than reading and writing, and a bit of working, I think I am also distracted by Jay.

So, the other day, he asked if he was a distraction to me. So I replied, ' are..more attraction'. I think I said it?

He also said that he 'knows', but wanted me to focus on my studies.. So I am assuming he knows.

And being a thinker, I can't help but to think about stuff that haven't even happened yet.

Like, what if I am really distracted by him? What is he doing now? Will he message me if I don't message him? Will I again fall into the 'trap' of loving someone too deeply.

And I am also reminded of this thing that David told me (not sure if it's true though), that we should never love someone too much. If I have 100% of love, then it's probably best to give maybe 50% of that to your bf/partner.

By the way, I masturbated just half an hour ago. I found it hard to be focused, and I knowingly allowed myself to w…


Jay: Hi there (21 March 2014, 10:30:34pm )

That was the very first point of contact. Two days later, we moved over to WhatsApp. We have been out for two times.

He is different in many ways. And he didn't strike me as a super hot guy.

He asked me to describe myself with 3 words. So I replied, 'family oriented, forgiving, anxious'. How many gays would care to ask?

He is 'easy going, independent, and adventurous'.

The first time we met, was in the city. He came straight after work. It wasn't hard or awkward for us to chat when we first met up face to face, as we had talked quite a bit on WhatsApp.

Dinner was at a Chinese place. Neither of us had tried the food there. No pictures but we had eggplants and kimchi pork as far as I can remember. I actually can't remember where the restaurant is now, probably I was too nervous to notice? Haha.  We just talked and talked and talked. No love at first sight, at least from my part.

And then we went to a dessert place. A…

I dodged A kiss

It was Thursday night.

I probably only had 2-3 hours of sleep on the previous night, as I was working till 1.30am for a draft to be sent to my supervisor. Might be the stress, or I-dun-know, anyway I woke up 10-ish and freshened myself up so that I could go to uni to meet with her.

I didn't want to do anything productive after the meeting. I wanted to give myself time off, to just relax, play dota, watch porn, wank, etc.

Then I remembered there was this guy whom I had chatted with several days ago. He lives in the same neighbourhood as me. So I texted him and asked what he was doing...where he was...and when I found out that he was actually at home, I asked if he wanted to come out to just meet, and chat (and I wasn't expecting any sex ok! like 100% honest). He said yes.

His place is like 500meters away, or more than that, it was actually further away than I initially expected. There he was, waiting for me across the traffic light.

He actually looked so different compared to h…