The Untold Stories

Some recent highlights: I quit PhD! (Yes, no kidding.) and I got my first ever full-time job. My iPhone 7 128gb black which just arrived today, on which I'm typing. Well, I've been away from the blog world for a very long time. Haven't been following what people have written, haven't posted anything myself. After 18 months into the program, I quit. Long story, but everything unfolded a lot quicker than I had imagined. Initially, I merely wanted to change my primary supervisor, and on the surface everyone including her was encouraging and fine. And I got an initial yes from a world renowned professor who recently joined the faculty to become my new primary supervisor. But someone must have erected some roadblocks and then I was left in a limbo, with no ideal candidate as my supervisor. It's complicated and I don't think it's necessary to write down the sequence of events here. Anyway, I came across a job advertisement and upon seeing it, (on hindsight...

Well, the title pretty much sums things up. Struggled to get out of bed as sleep again was poor. Told myself that "today will be better", "be confident", "be optimistic", etc. Study/work Got an email from the co-supervisor telling me that I do have some options with my enrolment. Spent some time sending an email to the admin centre, showered, and got ready to go out. Had lunch at my usual place. Believe it or not, I have been eating fried mee hoon + iced teh tarik for the last month or so, almost every single day, for lunch, even on weekends. I struggled to finish my plate of fried mee hoon.  I felt guilty not appreciating it as much as I could, but I simply didn't quite have the appetite. My mind was half frozen as sleep was bad. Got to uni, printed something to read, read the first two pages, and decided that I really couldn't do it. My mind was not digesting those words. Got a call from the admin centre and basically have the followi...

As I was scrolling down the list of old posts, I found  A Little Summary  of my life that I had written about 18 months ago. I want to do another 'little summary' now. I am almost a year into my PhD. When the last 'little summary' was written, I had just completed the Honours year. Honours was really hard, even on hindsight. I don't have much memory of it, probably because I was traumatised. Instead of spending one year/2 semesters (8-9 months actually), I took a break after the first semester. If you have been following my blog, you would know why. It was the darkest period of my life. I had just gotten my permanent residency at that time. I was beginning to make up my mind to remain and settle down here. I had also just broken up. Like finally, officially, effectively broken up. I had finally convinced myself that enough is enough. It was my very first relationship. I was very heart broken. I told myself that I wanted to be happy, to get rid of the blu...

9.47 pm Sunday night. Listening to Wanting as I type. Had leftover chinese sausage fried rice for dinner. Dearest Jay was here the afternoon, sent him to the station before dinner time.  It's a pretty nice weekend. Except Friday night, as I messed it up a little myself. I was feeling tired, mentally and physically already by the time we met up. Anyway, we argued  discussed about my future plans. Mainly because I was worried that my future plans would not progress in the most ideal way I had hoped it to be and that financially, I couldn't earn as much as him. And the other issues surrounding this. I have to say that if not for his rather high level of tolerance, he would either have killed me or left me already.  In my last post, I complained about him. Can't really remember now what it was exactly, but I think it was about how he failed to communicate with me effectively and/or me having to guess what his plans were...Anyway, I think he has been forced to cons...

Have been writing less these days. It also means that I am spending less time summarising, thinking, reflecting, and communicating. Studies: DONE for this level, but not finished yet. Got my results about a week ago (14 July?). Not tip-top, but OK la. I think as I grow older, I am more able to accept an outcome, even if it's not what I have wanted or hoped for. I was in the lounge room at my old place, and was chatting with a housemate while I was on my way out to have breakfast. We were talking about the release of results on the new student portal. He said he got his, and so I tried it once again, and I saw my results. I couldn't speak literally. Not sure if he could sense anything. And without saying anything, I left the house and walked to my favourite cafe in the icy cold winter morning. My mind was full of self-consoling words. Indeed, what more can I ask for. From 0 to xx. I was literally at 0 a year ago. And maybe 10, 3 months before the thesis was due. In the la...

The last couple of days were spent with Jay's friends from overseas. Felt good that he actually entrusted his friends to me for a day. Also, more importantly, I saw how generous and kind he was to his friends, even though they were not that close. There was a bit of 'drama' on the last day, most probably because I was stressed with the upcoming transitions. But hey, I still managed to pull through, and fortunately he did too. He's matured and considerate, most of the time la. And one thing I really like about him is that he knew how to make me feel that he cared about me, when we were out with friends. He would hold my hands when we had the chance to, he would cut some food and put on my plate, etc. SO SWEET <3 Just got my results today. Not the best, but satisfactory la. Slightly disappointed at first, but I told myself that I should be grateful. I was literally at point zero six months ago. Now that I have successfully completed my course, not with flying c...

I didn't know it was going to be a great day when i woke up this morning. In fact, sleep was so bad last night. My balls were so dry and was so itchy and prevented me from falling asleep. [too much information maybe?] And I had nightmare. My 'boss' at work who is like a super patient guy normally yelled at me in the dream. Went to see my supervisor. Halfway through the meeting, another prof. appeared and told me that I could be excused from the class next week! it's a class which is super not helpful to me at this stage. Gah, finally, though it's only 3-4 hours and it's only for next week, I m still happy. And hmm...in terms of my work, my supervisor was happy with some parts and not so much with the other parts, so I have a lot more to do tomorrow. it's only like 2.5 weeks left. And I still have many chapters which i haven't even started writing!!! But sometimes I really glad that I have this supervisor. And what she said today really made my ...

Ok, just a short post. Sleep wasn't good last night. Had to wake up early (8am) to get ready for the 9.30am meeting with supervisor. Took the cab, still 15 mins late. Bad time management. Had another work meeting at 1pm. Only had less than 10 minutes to gulp down the Beef Donburi. Lasted for 2 hours, and thank God I was able to pay attention. Right now I am feeling groggy from the lack of sleep but I want to finish posting this. I had been wanting to redesign my work space, to allow me to sit ergonomically while working on my computer (laptop). Naughty Prince sent me some guides on how to arrange for an ergonomic work station. But I was having some cash flow problem previously. Now that I have got some $$ on hand, I can't wait but to go on a shopping spree haha! So, you got to visualise this yourself, as I don't have the guide with me, it's all in my mind. The simplest rule is that, (maybe for me) is to keep my elbows close to the sides of my torso. A...

Last few days have passed really quickly as I have gone back to the restaurant that I used to work for. I know they were short of people but because the pay rate isn't high so I was hoping to get a better one. Anyway, since i didn't get a better one, I sort of have to go back so that at least I am earning some income and not relying on my family totally.  The burning sensation that I had have kinda become less obvious these two days. But I guess I am still kinda anxious with symptoms.  I was a bit upset this morning because I saw some tiny red spots near my waist, and above my right nipple. I just couldn't help worrying. Luckily, i was able to be distracted for a few hours because of work this afternoon.  I went to see a chinese doctor at Tong Ren Tang yesterday. Sleep is an ongoing issue for me, which the doctor got it right. He said my digestive system is not very good, which is true. Will be having the medicine (cooked and vacuum-packed) for the whole w...