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Showing posts from December, 2013

How to be happy again?

It's the 29th of December already, 2013 will be over in two days' time.

2013, has been very unpleasant to me. It's a year that's filled with fear, worries, sadness, despair. Partly my own doings actually.

And these negative feelings are not all gone yet. How do I make sure 2014 will be a brighter, happier year?

I am still worrying to be honest. It was about my last sexual encounter. [I had sex]

It was protected anal, unprotected oral. There was a lot of precum in my mouth, I don't know his status, I noticed I had a bit of sore gum/lining inside my mouth. 

I didn't blog about the tests I had. Actually, I had taken tests at week 4, 5 and 6 after that. They were all negative.

With the combination (antigen/antibody) tests, most people agree that the window period should be 4-6 weeks, because the HIV p24 antigen should peak at around 4 weeks, hence many of those infected were tested positive at week 3 or week 4.

The thing is, the first three days after the incident, …

Let It Go (Frozen)

Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know...well now they know....Let it go...Let it go...Can't hold it back anymore...I don't care....what they are going to say....

Just noticed that I haven't written anything for more than a week! Feeling pretty sleepy now but hopefully I am still able to write down the happenings for the past week

Went out with a few housemates to watch the Disney movie, Frozen today. It's the first day this movie is shown in Australia. Heard about it from a blogger few weeks ago and that it was good.

I didn't grow up with Disney hence I am pretty dumb with the Disney stories. And I wasn't really into watching cartoons. For me, going to the cinema for a cartoon was pretty much a waste of money.

But, Frozen was so so so awesome! I was deeply touched, by the singing, the lyrics, the graphics and most important of all, the story itself.

As a gay, a closeted one, a gay that loves his family, a gay that is confused, a gay that is somewhat…

Life Too Gay

Had a test yesterday. 
Went to the nearby Myer department store to look for a gift for the Secret Santa event at my accommodation. Budget was $10. Saw a lot of cute little inventions, most of them averaged around $20. Could have gotten something within budget but it wouldn't be as interesting so I decided to get this little duckling infuser. It's sightly over budget ($15) but it's worth the while because I think he likes it! (I think he still doesn't know that it's from me, he's also gay by the way) Gay much? 
I got a box of chocolates, an assortment of mini mars bars, milky way, M&Ms, etc. To be honest, I didn't like it! I have been trying to avoid chocolates, so that I don't have to take in unnecessary calories. My chocolate quota is reserved for really down moments, when I really need to up my mood. But I still put up a smile la, my secret santa must be looking at me when I unwrapped the gift so I didn't want him/her to be sad... I passed aro…

My week has been...

It's been a week since my last post! The week has passed by so quickly..Actually I am quite glad that it did.

Nothing really exciting has happened really.

I've been going to the gym on a more regular basis and my housemates have started to joke about it whenever they saw me leaving for the gym.

During the week, I visited the community library just 200 meters away from home. Becoming a member is free and one is allowed to borrow up to 40 items.

The collection there was surprisingly exhaustive though it's just a community library. I tried looking up for books that I had bought/read recently (Gaysia by Benjamin Law, Exposure by Michael Woodford) and they had them.

I haven't been reading a lot (fictional books I mean) and it's been a really long time since I stepped into a library looking for a book to read for pleasure. I didn't know where to start. There were so many racks and shelves and with only the spines of the books displayed, I found it really hard to look…

Sunday lunch and dinner

Sleep was barely ok last night. Anyway, tried to live happy, it was a new day anyway.

Got myself a Banana,Oat &Blackberry muffin and flat white (no photo taken). 
After breakfast, went up to the balcony for some sun. Took the shirt off, allowed my back to face the sun for 10mins then turned to face the sun then turned back again. Trying to BBQ myself. But no visible tan in the end. 
As I couldn't find anyone for lunch, I decided to not wait anymore and went to this cafe nearby my place. 
I had tried the Iced Mocha here and it was super nice. They must have used espresso rather than fake coffee syrup, so it was very 'full-bodied'. When it comes to Iced coffee drinks, I always check with the barista to make sure that it's not fake coffee syrup that they are selling to me. What's the point right? I want my coffeee!!!
They also topped the Iced Mocha with a scoop or two of vanilla ice cream, making it more creamy and smooth! (more calories also)
The fried chicken b…

Not so good Doctor

Woke up at 7.30 this morning. Haven't woken up so early for ages (not counting the waking-ups to pee).

Took a bus, then train and arrived at the sexual health clinic 5 mins late (called them while I was on the train to tell them that I would be late).

Waited for the doc for ten mins. If I knew she was going to be late, I wouldn't have to run-walk-run to the place.

A female doc in her 30s. Generally friendly. Started the conversation by telling her that I am gay (never assume that she knows right?)

Basically regurgitated what I wrote in the previous post. Bump-Tea Tree Oil- Itchy-More red dots- Dry skin

She asked if I would like to have HIV test today but she was actually kinda discouraging me to take the test. Because according to her, the event was low risk despite the fact that I discovered swollen/sore gum the next morning, and that there was a lot of precum.

But I insisted. I didn't want to argue with her so I made up stories that I actually had more sexual partners. I…

Confused!!

Thursday.

Woke up this morning and was welcomed by the warmth of the sun that shone through the window, but I wasn't in the mood to appreciate much of it.

I can now see more obvious signs that something is wrong. The original bump (raised, almost pimple-like, painless) that is 1-2cm away from the butt hole is not growing bigger, actually it looks like it's getting smaller.

But the other tiny red dots (just slightly raised) are getting more obvious. They are not very big but definitely more noticeable now. When I tried to touch them, I couldn't feel anything, no pain no itch. I can also see them in more places now (area between scrotum and butt hole).

For the original bump, I treated it with 100% tea tree oil last week for a couple of days. And because I noticed that even the skin surrounding the bump started to peel, I decided to stop for a while.

And then, I sensed itchiness, and then I saw the other tiny red dots.

I started to treat the tiny red dots with tea tree oil, m…

Massage $90/hour

Don't worry, it's strictly non-sexual this time.

As I haven't been able to sleep well for the past few nights, my neck and shoulders are sore, and lower back too. And because I have been trying to do more weights instead of running these days, I guess my muscles didn't really get to relax.

I remembered KK told me his masseur was good and not expensive. So I messaged him this morning and ask for the contact details. He gave me the number of this guy who is the owner of this massage place. Booked for an appointment at 3pm.

Arrived there just on time. Was feeling excited because firstly, my muscles would get to relax and I knew I was meeting a male masseur. LOL. (I had confirmed with KK that it's a professional and no-sex service)

He's Thai, in his 30s, quite short and doesn't speak good English, probably just a few words like soft, medium, hard, shoulders, neck, etc. Saw some muscles but not humungous la.

I was totally naked and we started by me lying face do…

World Aids Day. Acceptance Sydney

On Friday, after finishing earlier at work and failing to really have a nap, I was on my way to meet Ben. 
The plan was to have a bit of chat at a cafe before attending Acceptance Sydney's mass at 8pm. 
Took a cab as I was running late, as always. Ben and his partner were there waiting for me. 
There was a night when I finally gathered the courage to tell Ben about the problems that I am facing. We were talking on the phone, but I think I did tell him all the essentials. 
That night, he didn't tell me exactly what to do or what not to do. He said I should remember one thing, to learn to love myself so that I know how to love my neighbors, because the Bible says love your neighbors like how you love yourself. 
Again this time, I don't think I am getting 'the answer'. Perhaps there is no answer? I don't know. I guess I am probably being lazy? Waiting for someone to tell me exactly what to do? 
So they asked me quite a few questions. For example, what is being a C…