The Untold Stories

It's been a week since my last post! The week has passed by so quickly..Actually I am quite glad that it did. Nothing really exciting has happened really. I've been going to the gym on a more regular basis and my housemates have started to joke about it whenever they saw me leaving for the gym. During the week, I visited the community library just 200 meters away from home. Becoming a member is free and one is allowed to borrow up to 40 items. The collection there was surprisingly exhaustive though it's just a community library. I tried looking up for books that I had bought/read recently (Gaysia by Benjamin Law, Exposure by Michael Woodford) and they had them. I haven't been reading a lot (fictional books I mean) and it's been a really long time since I stepped into a library looking for a book to read for pleasure. I didn't know where to start. There were so many racks and shelves and with only the spines of the books displayed, I found it really har...

What happened? The title says it all. I had sex. A random encounter, at the infamous gay sauna, the place where I once swore not to visit again. I dun have to find an excuse. I was simply horny. Thanks to the porn, the testosterone, or whatever. I can't find a 'bf' to just have sex and there wasn't someone on Jack'D that I could go out with. So the simplest way was to visit the sauna. The crowd was kinda mixed. Level three is a towel free zone tonight. I was kinda 'satisfied' already after about an hour of cruising in the sauna. Naked men all around me, quite a few touched me which I politely moved their hands away and quietly enjoying the scene. It was at level 2 that one guy grabbed me and led me into a room. He was very well built, lean, and toned. Vietnamese, from Liverpool NSW is all I know about him. Not even his age and name. His body was super smooth and I guess the body fat percentage must be very low too. Not hunky and very toned. So ...

When I'm horny, I feel like there's suddenly so many hot guys on Jack'd and I'll start saying hi to every one of them. I feel like I suddenly look so good, suddenly the pecs are so nice, the v-line is coming out, etc. LOL. Don't know if anyone of you feels the same? Just released the tank. It was a good 30 minutes of self entertainment. The scent of the oil was definitely a turn on. I was automatically 'switched on' when I smelled it. Smelled so familiar, yes it's what we used to use. Could have gone on for a bit longer but was getting sore. Hopefully I can get super good sleep tonight to recharge all the energy lost. If not i will be a zombie tomorrow at work...

It's been more than 3 months since I last had a sexual contact. Ever since my last sexual episode, (I being the top and had unprotected oral sex) I had bouts of worries, panic attacks and possibly depression according to my GP. Things were getting better. My last test, taken more than 12 weeks post that, was negative. I started weights in gym again. I tried to talk to new friends. I had a hair cut two days ago. I had a house party last night. But having no sexual/ body contact with someone for more than 3 months had made me quite horny recently, to be honest. Nonetheless, I tried to control my thoughts, and just jerked off, fantasized, watched porn. All safe things. This evening, I messaged a guy on Jack'D. He stated on his profile that he's both a personal trainer and a masseur. He's free to meet this evening too. Him: $80 for massage, $100 for 'happy ending' and $150 for erotic naked massage Him: so do you only wan professional massage Me: Err is t...

So after about two months of absolutely nothing from you, you finally replied my text.  I noticed you unblocked me on Skype a week ago. I dared not to initiate, afraid of getting blocked again.  Two nights ago, I finally had the courage to say 'hi there'. My heart started to race, I was hoping, praying that I would get a reply. And a few seconds later, you replied. 'What d u wan' We chatted briefly. More like I asked you how you were doing and you replied me in the shortest way possible.  Last night, I said hi again. We chatted more. I could sense that you were feeling empty or emo.  You said sorry. You said you didn't want to hurt me but you never really loved me. You said we both knew that we just wanted someone and we weren't really in love.  I didn't want to challenge that. I didn't know how to, probably.  My heart sank. How could it be not real? I asked myself.  Then, you must have been living in hell during that per...

For the sake of 'brightening' my blog a bit, hence the title. I will get to the dildo later. Firstly, thank you to those of you who are still following this little space of mine. Thanks for taking interest in my life though most, if not all of you don't know me personally. Thanks for leaving the comments. Managed to get an appointment this afternoon at the sexual health clinic. Zoe, the nurse at this clinic that usually sees me, said that she thought we just met not long ago. Indeed that was the case. So I told her about the risk. I told her I only wanted a test. Had the test. It's been more than 6 weeks. She said she wouldn't be too concerned about it. But anyway she let me had the test. I noticed that the feverish feeling I am having (dry and warm eyes, warm limbs, warm body, body aches, probably mild fever) usually starts in the afternoon. I am researching about this thing 阴虚内热. So it's about the Yin being deficient, making the Yang too high a...

Yes, I need you to help, I need someone to tell me their views/opinions/suggestions. The last few days were fine, at least I didn't panic as much. My result at 5th week post PEP was negative. I kept telling myself that I will be fine, although no one knows for sure how good/sure this result is. This afternoon, I went to the city for a walk and decided to find a massage place. My shoulders, neck and back are quite tense. But I couldn't really find a massage place that is close enough to where I was at that time. The SAUNA was close enough. I know they offer massage service at the sauna for like $60/hour but I didn't know how it worked. I hesitated to visit the sauna again, in fact, I once swore that I would never set foot at the sauna again after that INCIDENT, but I gave in, and ended up at the sauna. But, it's all booked out until late tonight. Should I have thanked the guy and left? Perhaps I should. But I ended up paying $24 to enter. I told myself, 'Ok...

Yes, I fucked up again. Last time it was 5th May, which caused me to be in great danger and affected me in many ways. Tonight, I fucked up again. I feel like I'm the most useless person in this world. I prayed every night, sometimes several times a day, for God to strengthen me, to deliver me from temptations and evils, for good health, for peace. How can I allow this to happen again??!! I will not go into the details, but the fact is I had sex with this person that I had just known for about 1 hour. How could i be so vulnerable? Yes, it was so brief (the sex) and it was protected but so what. I dun wan, I keep telling people, I keep telling God I dun wan to have random sex ever again! But why did it happen!! I'm such a slut! I could have gone out with friends. I could have played games at home. I could have done so many other things but why did I do this! I hate myself! I am afraid even God will turn away from me. I am afraid I will be punished for doing this! I have b...