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I fucked up, again!

Yes, I fucked up again. Last time it was 5th May, which caused me to be in great danger and affected me in many ways. Tonight, I fucked up again.

I feel like I'm the most useless person in this world. I prayed every night, sometimes several times a day, for God to strengthen me, to deliver me from temptations and evils, for good health, for peace. How can I allow this to happen again??!!

I will not go into the details, but the fact is I had sex with this person that I had just known for about 1 hour. How could i be so vulnerable? Yes, it was so brief (the sex) and it was protected but so what. I dun wan, I keep telling people, I keep telling God I dun wan to have random sex ever again! But why did it happen!! I'm such a slut!

I could have gone out with friends. I could have played games at home. I could have done so many other things but why did I do this! I hate myself! I am afraid even God will turn away from me. I am afraid I will be punished for doing this!

I have been watching a lot of porn since yesterday, and I know this is why I was so horny. It's bad. I should delete Grindr altogether. It's bad. I'm sorry God, I'm sorry.
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Comments

  1. tulsJuly 18, 2013 at 9:11 AM

    you are not a slut, a slut sleeps with other people's boyfriend. do you? lol.. even if you did, no one is there to judge you la, and dont blame yourself la, there is nothing wrong to have sex..

    but..

    it will only add worries to you like what is happening now..

    as long as there is no exchange of body fluids no transmission can occur so dont worry if it didnt happen..

    God doesnt turn away from anyone.. and God will never abandon you. You are who you want to be. only you can change yourself. you need to prioritize and really think before acting Bryan.

    being you, in your position is not an easy task, vulnerability is very common and any affection received could predispose you to that, so.... all i can say is..

    prioritize.

    what is that you want now? no more worries!? how are you gonna achieve that? get all test to be negative and then practice safe sex from then onwards? grindr will only bring more sex to your life, delete grindr? but how are you gonna meet more gay friends? should you go out and mingle? is the clubs in sydney safe? i met my bf thru the apps anyway.. is sex important to you? is a bf a need now? prioritize, once you prioritize, try to stick to it.. dont abandon your studies.. as in dont let anything affect your studies, no point studying overseas and flunk shit.. lol..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. untold stories July 18, 2013 at 9:09 PM

      Thanks for dropping by:) Yea, I really need to be able to stop all these casual hook ups. I need peace, I don't wan to be worrying continuously for the whole year.

      Delete

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