Just sharing a few interesting passages from the book I am reading.
[Being Gay, Being Christian: You Can Be Both by Stuart Edser]
Likening the life of a gay to the life of an undercover
'Perhaps an example might help. Think of those police officers who go undercover to join crime gangs or the underworld. They have to immerse themselves fully in the harsh realities of the criminal culture, with all its cruelty, greed, deceit and barbarism. They are forced to act and behave in every way contrary to their own nature, their own sense of morality. They must adopt the criminals culture's ways of living, talking, laughing, loving, eating, drinking, driving, playing, dressing. It is nothing short of total immersion and they must act this way 24 hours a day lest they be discovered'.
It is immensely painful to lead a life like this (and We know it)
'After their undercover work is complete, it is not uncommon for them to end up in a psychologist's consulting rooms for ongoing counselling and a doctor's surgery for medication. They are often physically and psychologically spent, emotionally drained from having to live a lie. Many refuse point blank to ever do undercover work again. Many take years to heal. What causes this depth of trauma? It is the unrelenting need to be someone they are not, always teetering on the brink of emotional exhaustion from the energy this takes, while constantly under scrutiny and always filled with the terror that they will be discovered.'
One of the popular 'excuses' that I have heard from gays
'Is it necessary?
This is the question that some Stage 1 or 2 gay people ask when they compare themselves with straight people. Straight people don't have to declare their sexuality, so why should we have to? They forget that straight people don't have to go through an equivalent sexual identity formation process.
Marshall also makes a very powerful point in answer to this question. He suggests applying a simple test: listen to straight people talk and count how many times they announce their sexual identity indirectly. A guy will talk of his girlfriend or his wife, or say to his mates, check her out, as a good-looking woman passes by. ... If you ask, what did you do last weekend, you'll hear indirect declarations of straight sexual identity. Coming out is necessary if you don't want to live the life-lie.'
What's your stance? David (the gay church friend) once asked me to start telling a few others in the church about my sexuality. I said 'no need lah' as they might have known it anyway. But he said, instead of assuming that others knew already, why not approach them and talk to them about it, because they may be waiting for you to invite them into your life.
Now that I am dealing with all these anxiety and stress, I noticed how important it is to have people around you to support you.
[Being Gay, Being Christian: You Can Be Both by Stuart Edser]
Likening the life of a gay to the life of an undercover
'Perhaps an example might help. Think of those police officers who go undercover to join crime gangs or the underworld. They have to immerse themselves fully in the harsh realities of the criminal culture, with all its cruelty, greed, deceit and barbarism. They are forced to act and behave in every way contrary to their own nature, their own sense of morality. They must adopt the criminals culture's ways of living, talking, laughing, loving, eating, drinking, driving, playing, dressing. It is nothing short of total immersion and they must act this way 24 hours a day lest they be discovered'.
It is immensely painful to lead a life like this (and We know it)
'After their undercover work is complete, it is not uncommon for them to end up in a psychologist's consulting rooms for ongoing counselling and a doctor's surgery for medication. They are often physically and psychologically spent, emotionally drained from having to live a lie. Many refuse point blank to ever do undercover work again. Many take years to heal. What causes this depth of trauma? It is the unrelenting need to be someone they are not, always teetering on the brink of emotional exhaustion from the energy this takes, while constantly under scrutiny and always filled with the terror that they will be discovered.'
One of the popular 'excuses' that I have heard from gays
'Is it necessary?
This is the question that some Stage 1 or 2 gay people ask when they compare themselves with straight people. Straight people don't have to declare their sexuality, so why should we have to? They forget that straight people don't have to go through an equivalent sexual identity formation process.
Marshall also makes a very powerful point in answer to this question. He suggests applying a simple test: listen to straight people talk and count how many times they announce their sexual identity indirectly. A guy will talk of his girlfriend or his wife, or say to his mates, check her out, as a good-looking woman passes by. ... If you ask, what did you do last weekend, you'll hear indirect declarations of straight sexual identity. Coming out is necessary if you don't want to live the life-lie.'
What's your stance? David (the gay church friend) once asked me to start telling a few others in the church about my sexuality. I said 'no need lah' as they might have known it anyway. But he said, instead of assuming that others knew already, why not approach them and talk to them about it, because they may be waiting for you to invite them into your life.
Now that I am dealing with all these anxiety and stress, I noticed how important it is to have people around you to support you.
I agree with ur friend. People dont know whether u feel comfortable to talk bout what happened in ur life as long u dont say anything. Never assume, just tell when u are ready =)
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