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Distraction/ Attraction

This post is overdue.

So, other than reading and writing, and a bit of working, I think I am also distracted by Jay.

So, the other day, he asked if he was a distraction to me. So I replied, 'hmm...you are..more like...an attraction'. I think I said it?

He also said that he 'knows', but wanted me to focus on my studies.. So I am assuming he knows.

And being a thinker, I can't help but to think about stuff that haven't even happened yet.

Like, what if I am really distracted by him? What is he doing now? Will he message me if I don't message him? Will I again fall into the 'trap' of loving someone too deeply.

And I am also reminded of this thing that David told me (not sure if it's true though), that we should never love someone too much. If I have 100% of love, then it's probably best to give maybe 50% of that to your bf/partner.

By the way, I masturbated just half an hour ago. I found it hard to be focused, and I knowingly allowed myself to watch a bit of porn. And I don't know why, But I feel guilty, and slightly depressed  emo.

It might be the weather. Winter is looming. The sky is dark already around 5.30pm. It's getting colder.

And I can't help to remind myself (more like warning myself) about the incident on 5/5/13.

It's not a good idea to act irrationally, let your emotions guide your actions.

Less indulgence is good for me. I need to work hard. The goal now is completion, less about quality/performance.

Making 2 hard boiled eggs now. Dinner tonight will be 2 packs of instant noodles + baby corns + the eggs.


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Comments

  1. WilliamApril 14, 2014 at 1:42 PM

    You ration your porn?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. untold stories April 14, 2014 at 10:59 PM

      Yea la. If not I don't have enough new ones.

      Actually na! I just feel a bit guilty as I succumbed to the temptation to watch porn and j..k off.

      Delete
    2. WilliamApril 17, 2014 at 1:06 PM

      What's wrong with jacking off?

      Delete
  2. Shadow WindApril 14, 2014 at 6:09 PM

    But if you dont give a 100% what's the rest of the 50% for though?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. untold stories April 14, 2014 at 11:01 PM

      hmm so according to that friend, i should use the remaining, say 50 per cent for my other friends, family, etc.

      Alternatively, use the remaining 50 per cent for yourself. As some say you got to know how to love yourself before you can love someone else.

      Delete
  3. Naughty PrinceApril 14, 2014 at 7:02 PM

    eat healthy...
    =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. untold stories April 14, 2014 at 11:01 PM

      Am I eating healthily already? I just noticed I got some pak choy in the fridge. Should have put them in the noodles yesterday!

      Delete

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