Skip to main content

Distraction/ Attraction

This post is overdue.

So, other than reading and writing, and a bit of working, I think I am also distracted by Jay.

So, the other day, he asked if he was a distraction to me. So I replied, 'hmm...you are..more like...an attraction'. I think I said it?

He also said that he 'knows', but wanted me to focus on my studies.. So I am assuming he knows.

And being a thinker, I can't help but to think about stuff that haven't even happened yet.

Like, what if I am really distracted by him? What is he doing now? Will he message me if I don't message him? Will I again fall into the 'trap' of loving someone too deeply.

And I am also reminded of this thing that David told me (not sure if it's true though), that we should never love someone too much. If I have 100% of love, then it's probably best to give maybe 50% of that to your bf/partner.

By the way, I masturbated just half an hour ago. I found it hard to be focused, and I knowingly allowed myself to watch a bit of porn. And I don't know why, But I feel guilty, and slightly depressed  emo.

It might be the weather. Winter is looming. The sky is dark already around 5.30pm. It's getting colder.

And I can't help to remind myself (more like warning myself) about the incident on 5/5/13.

It's not a good idea to act irrationally, let your emotions guide your actions.

Less indulgence is good for me. I need to work hard. The goal now is completion, less about quality/performance.

Making 2 hard boiled eggs now. Dinner tonight will be 2 packs of instant noodles + baby corns + the eggs.


Labels:

Comments

  1. WilliamApril 14, 2014 at 1:42 PM

    You ration your porn?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. untold stories April 14, 2014 at 10:59 PM

      Yea la. If not I don't have enough new ones.

      Actually na! I just feel a bit guilty as I succumbed to the temptation to watch porn and j..k off.

      Delete
    2. WilliamApril 17, 2014 at 1:06 PM

      What's wrong with jacking off?

      Delete
  2. Shadow WindApril 14, 2014 at 6:09 PM

    But if you dont give a 100% what's the rest of the 50% for though?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. untold stories April 14, 2014 at 11:01 PM

      hmm so according to that friend, i should use the remaining, say 50 per cent for my other friends, family, etc.

      Alternatively, use the remaining 50 per cent for yourself. As some say you got to know how to love yourself before you can love someone else.

      Delete
  3. Naughty PrinceApril 14, 2014 at 7:02 PM

    eat healthy...
    =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. untold stories April 14, 2014 at 11:01 PM

      Am I eating healthily already? I just noticed I got some pak choy in the fridge. Should have put them in the noodles yesterday!

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How long is 20 months?

It's been almost a year since I last wrote. So what prompted me to write again? I still haven't gotten over Jay. He left in June 16? Yes, its now March 18. Shocking right,? How can someone, especially someone like me who can be so determined in my career and studies, who is so rational in all other material aspects, fail to marshal the power to put an end to it. I wanted to write, to remind myself how much time has passed, as his second birthday post our breakup is coming up. Last year, I mailed him a gift and a card. There was no reply. He finally agreed to meet over lunch about half a year ago? I texted him on a monthly basis to say hello. He would give me a simple reply if he felt like it. There was this perpetual urge to see him, to talk to him. I took photos of the baked goods I made. I used the 'save' feature on Facebook to save cute or funny videos. I hoped one day I would have the opportunity to show him all these. How foolish. I noticed I did ...
7 comments
Read more

The "Emergency Contact"

Got a letter from the insurance company this morning, confirming that my conditions are not 'pre-existing'. Glad that they are willing to pay for my colonoscopy and endoscopy (with an 'excess' of $500, which means I would have to pay for the first $500 in a calendar year for any claims I make).  I called the clinic quickly to make an appointment for the procedures. The earliest they have is this Wednesday, so I will be 'admitted' this Wednesday afternoon.  The lady over the phone said that I must arrange for someone to bring me home after the procedure because I will be sedated (as opposed to anaesthesia) and under NSW laws it is a requirement that I go home accompanied.  I can't think of anyone really. No family, no friends, no one, just me alone. I told her I have no one that I can ask. I wondered what she thought, poor kid maybe. Fortunately, there is a specialised cab service that I can hire to escort me home.  Then, there was the pre-admi...
4 comments
Read more

Life Too Gay

Secret Santa. Christmas gift 2013 to one of my housemates.  Had a test yesterday.  Went to the nearby Myer department store to look for a gift for the Secret Santa event at my accommodation. Budget was $10. Saw a lot of cute little inventions, most of them averaged around $20. Could have gotten something within budget but it wouldn't be as interesting so I decided to get this little duckling infuser. It's sightly over budget ($15) but it's worth the while because I think he likes it! (I think he still doesn't know that it's from me, he's also gay by the way) Gay much?  I got a box of chocolates, an assortment of mini mars bars, milky way, M&Ms, etc. To be honest, I didn't like it! I have been trying to avoid chocolates, so that I don't have to take in unnecessary calories. My chocolate quota is reserved for really down moments, when I really need to up my mood. But I still put up a smile la, my secret santa must be looking at me when I unw...
13 comments
Read more