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Seeing the counselor

Weekend just went passed quickly. 

Saturday, I had Yoga, then lunch at nearby McD, took a long walk home. 

Sunday, dim sum with Hx and his two other friends, lingered around in Chinatown a bit (hoping to see him), then church at night. 

Dota and HK drama everyday. 

Had Yoga again this morning. Had an appointment at the sexual health clinic today to see the counselor. 

It's a he this time. Not cute, no fantasies. Don't even know if he's gay but I just assumed that he is so I didn't have to hold back but to tell him my encounters, worries, fears and my ex. 

One hour was really not enough. Most of the time it was me talking and him listening. 

I was at first worried that he wouldn't pay much attention to my stories since he's no one to me but a social worker and that I am not a good speaker. 

But I was kinda impressed with his little summary at the end. It showed that he understood my situation. 

I felt guilty because I cheated on my ex technically. I felt bad because I broke the promise I made to myself and to God (though quite an unrealistic promise). And to a certain extent, I believed that God will punish me by allowing me to get infected with the virus. 

He asked me to think about the COSTS of having these worries. It's easy. 

It's costed me my studies, my health, my relationships, etc. 

Then he asked me to think about the Benefits that I receive because of having these worries and fears. I said no, there isn't any. 

But what he said is true. There must be some 'benefits' that's sustaining these worries. Since I know that these worries are bad, and if they give me no benefits, I would have stopped worrying automatically. 

So he asked me to think about those Benefits. 

Any suggestions?
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Comments

  1. AidenSeptember 3, 2013 at 2:02 AM

    You mentioned that you believED God will punish you by you being infected. Maybe a part of you still believes that?

    ReplyDelete
  2. WilliamSeptember 4, 2013 at 1:01 AM

    Will another six months clear your doubts and fears?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Shadow WindSeptember 4, 2013 at 3:57 AM

    Well i think a negative or positive will answer everything. And so far it's been okay right? Don't keep thinking any nonsense and don't ever think god will punish you that way please.

    As far as any christian is concerned, and I think I've heard this too often, GOD LOVES YOU.

    so please love yourself and if you don't do anything that goes against your conscience in the future well...you'll be fine.

    ReplyDelete

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