The Untold Stories

It's 12.46 am. Today: Woke up... got my usual morning kisses from Jay...kissed him back...asked for breakfast to be served...he said he could make it in 30 mins... but I told him not to...continued sleeping for like 30 mins...woke up...had char siew buns and coffee for breakfast...did my work....heated up the fried rice he put in my fridge for lunch...worked...cooked the frozen udon noodles he bought (*imported from Japan*) with beef balls and eggs for an early dinner...worked...Jay came at 8pm just now...and we went out for a quick dessert...came back...watched a travel show on YouTube...cuddled a bit...he had to leave at around 11pm... So this is Jay >>> he normally wakes up earlier than me because he has to go work, and every morning, I would wake up to morning kisses on my WhatsApp...unless we argued the day before (but even if we did, he would normally still send me kisses). >>>He doesn't mind driving 30 mins to my place, just to see me...He would ...

I asked Jay to leave me alone. I whatsapped him after our usual nightly call.  Part of me was frustrated at him. How could he just ask me to rest early (after having talked just like 10 mins, we normally do more than 30 mins) when I told him I was having headache. on hindsight, maybe he really wanted me to get more rest?  I said I was confused with myself (still am actually). Sometimes I feel very much loved and blessed to have him, but sometimes I feel frustrated, annoyed or even angry at him.  I think I am creating too many expectations. I am like a prince (or princess?) wanting the best for everything from him. I want all his attention (when I want it), I want him to exceed my expectations if possible. I want him to always be sensitive and considerate without the need for me to ask for it.  I think I am asking for too much.  After all, we've only been together for like half a year? And we are not even married. Even if we are married, I shou...

We've been 'planning' (more like thinking) our end-of-the-year trip to South East Asia. Big drama (he said it was a 'discussion') over the weekend. I was so disappointed and upset when he answered yes to my question: 'So will you still go if I decided not to go?' I don't know what eventually made me to 'let it go' and to convince myself that he still cares and loves me. I think his answer did make me feel as though I was not important enough to make him change 'just' his travel plans. (Perhaps travelling is like a super important thing for some people?) I don't know. Just didn't like the fact that my feelings/well-being got ranked behind his travel plans. Anyway, since I chose to let it go, I might as well forget about what he did/we did on the weekend. We finally made some flight bookings just now. Some. Yes, some. Why? Because I think, it's a bit complicated with the way we are doing it. Not that I want to do it this...

Sometimes, I wonder if it's actually better to love less. To love Jay less. What if he doesn't love me as much as he used to anymore? People view love (as a verb) differently. I love (like) you dear.  vs. I love (like) going to church.  vs. I love (like) teaching, etc. Maybe, I use 'love' only occasionally. Whereas, for him, love is like 'like'? I am just saying maybe.   Sometimes, you just don't know if he loves you As Much as you love him, even though he tells you 'I love you dear" all the time.  Even worse, sometimes, what he says casually left me wondering just how different we could actually be.  For example (just an example), I have always thought that he wanted so much to be with me on the weekends that he reserved 90% of his time for me. But actually, as he unwittingly implied in our conversation some time later, he did it because he was 'afraid' that I would be angry at him for not spending time with m...