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Leave me alone

I asked Jay to leave me alone. I whatsapped him after our usual nightly call. 

Part of me was frustrated at him. How could he just ask me to rest early (after having talked just like 10 mins, we normally do more than 30 mins) when I told him I was having headache. on hindsight, maybe he really wanted me to get more rest? 

I said I was confused with myself (still am actually). Sometimes I feel very much loved and blessed to have him, but sometimes I feel frustrated, annoyed or even angry at him. 

I think I am creating too many expectations. I am like a prince (or princess?) wanting the best for everything from him. I want all his attention (when I want it), I want him to exceed my expectations if possible. I want him to always be sensitive and considerate without the need for me to ask for it. 

I think I am asking for too much. 

After all, we've only been together for like half a year? And we are not even married. Even if we are married, I shouldn't be excessive with my wants I think. 

I think I should instead ask myself: what have I given him so far? Have I given commensurately? 

Hence, I asked for a leave. I told him that "I dun want to proceed without knowing where I am heading". I think I need to clarify this statement when I talk to him again, hopefully soon. What I meant is that I need to clear my mind, I think it's my problem... 

When I was struggling with my thesis, he said, "let's spend the next few months validating each other". So there was a common goal for us- to get to know each other better, see if we were suitable for each other. 

But now that we are 'together'. What's the next destination? 

We spend time making love, laughing, arguing, talking, loving,etc..But where are we heading towards? 

I feel lost. 

I don't think by just not talking to him for a few days would get me the answer. I did tell him not to be upset because I asked for leave. I am not sure how he is interpreting it. He replied 'ok' this morning. And we haven't talked since. I miss him. I was going through his FB's photos and found myself laughing incessantly. I looked at the photos on my phone and they are all proofs of how much he loves me. 

Also, I am actually feeling a bit sick still, but i told myself to restrain from calling him. I just forced myself to concentrate on my reading. I think I am trying to 'torture' myself with his absence so that I could appreciate him more. I don't know if this is silly or not. 
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Comments

  1. soul232September 18, 2014 at 1:42 PM

    It's not exactly silly. We deal with it in our own way. Just need to be clear with him what u really mean. Hence, texting about it is not really a feasible idea. Call him and make it clear so that he won't start guessing and assuming the worst case scenario

    After all, a fall will always make u two leap higher =) *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. untold stories September 29, 2014 at 12:41 AM

      Thanks soulchild... We're very OK now hehe..though it's a bit erratic.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 18, 2014 at 10:58 PM

    you both maybe should take 3 months break apart. Consider it as a pause in your relationship. Distant yourself from him, do something u want to do without him. Distance makes the heart fonder - learning how its feel like to be missed and missing. Maybe from there you both can start anew without much disagreement happening as it is now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. tulsSeptember 19, 2014 at 4:23 AM

    i dont really believe in breaks.. lol.. maybe not that long... a week should really be enough to test your limits, sometimes not even a day and it will drive you nuts.. and you can know it yourself..

    you will need to talk this out with him, about where you are heading. if there isnt a place where you two kinda settle down in the future then there is no point continuing on with the relationship.

    we can not always assume what the other person is thinking and vice versa so it would be easier if you guys were to really talk about it, it will be intense talking about the future but it is neccessary if you two are serious about each other and the future. there is no such thing as too young to talk about the future. hopefully you guys will have a good talk. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. tulsSeptember 19, 2014 at 4:24 AM

    and why is there no NOTIFY ME button that i could click to know when someone comments here one? lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. untold stories September 29, 2014 at 12:45 AM

      Thanks tulsie....Yea..I can't bear being separated from him for too long (1 day is very long already for us)...He's kinda clingy which is super fine for me. And yes, we talked a loooot, talking about all sorts of hypothetical situations...haha

      Delete

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