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Love=Like? Safer to love less?

Sometimes, I wonder if it's actually better to love less. To love Jay less.

What if he doesn't love me as much as he used to anymore?

People view love (as a verb) differently.

I love (like) you dear. 
vs.
I love (like) going to church. 
vs.
I love (like) teaching, etc.

Maybe, I use 'love' only occasionally. Whereas, for him, love is like 'like'? I am just saying maybe.  

Sometimes, you just don't know if he loves you As Much as you love him, even though he tells you 'I love you dear" all the time. 

Even worse, sometimes, what he says casually left me wondering just how different we could actually be. 

For example (just an example), I have always thought that he wanted so much to be with me on the weekends that he reserved 90% of his time for me. But actually, as he unwittingly implied in our conversation some time later, he did it because he was 'afraid' that I would be angry at him for not spending time with me. 

Sometimes, things you say unwittingly can be just as destructive, and you may not even notice it. 

So, are you implying that I am an unreasonable person? Worse, someone you find hard to get along with??

So, are you implying that you did not willingly and happily spend time with me???

Hence, back to my question, should I love him less? Love is a two-way thing. And we all don't want to get hurt. I don't know... 

If you ask me do i love him, yes I do. (love- wanting to spend the rest of life with this person, rather than love=like). 

But sometimes I am confused, or afraid. I wonder if that was an indication that he's starting to feel bored seeing my face, or my body... I wonder if that was something that he hasn't realised himself, which makes him still say 'i love you', but in reality, his guts is telling him that this is not the person he really loves??

After my last break up, I went through what I call 'the darkest period of my life'. For a while, you thought you were going to marry him eventually and live together happily ever after. Every problem seemed too small. Then, you suddenly realised that he is not for you. Or maybe he did. Everything just crumbled. I was giving up on almost everything in my life. I thought I was never ever going to meet anyone potentially good enough to marry for the rest of my life.

Then I met Jay. Almost perfect in every aspect that matters to me. But there are hiccups from time to time. And I start to ask myself if these 'hiccups' are normal. And I think he would be asking himself the same question(s) too.

And this is where I am at now I guess. Trying to prepare for the worst.

What will happen if he decided to leave me one day? How soon will this be? KK said if sex is good, it might drag things longer ( which I think is legit).

Will I be able to wake up every morning feeling motivated and full of energy?
Or will I go back into endless hours of cruising on JackD/Grindr, fighting against the urge to get laid?
Will I be able to concentrate at work?
Will I be able to really leave him? not pestering him?

Imagine I am writing part of my life as a story book. How nice would it be if I am now at the second last paragraph of this book and 'happily ever after' is just a few more sentences away. 


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Comments

  1. Da Closet GuySeptember 3, 2014 at 5:32 PM

    I don't really know you that well... But from what I read... My first impression is that maybe... Just maybe.. You think too much? Hahahaha... It's good to think (too much). Usually people will over-think things that are important to their life. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later (taken from Man of Steel, 2013).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. untold stories September 10, 2014 at 12:36 AM

      Haha... thanks for dropping by.. yes, I hope I am just thinking too much!

      Delete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 3, 2014 at 11:16 PM

    Overthinking is my tendency and I don't get it why ppl keep saying that we shouldn't overthink something. If the world isn't that complicated, life wouldn't be that difficult. Yes, overthink about your future is good especially your relationship. As the matter of fact, if you have a slight indication about your man falling out of love with you, you might as well be brave and try and talk to him about it before you fall so hard for him. Lighting don't strike the same place twice. Don't hurt yourself by doing hurtful things to yourself.

    Maybe you should try to be a bit distantly cold and coldly distant to him. See what's his reaction of your sudden change of behavior. If he's being nonchalant about it, then i guess you should prepare for the worse to come.

    ReplyDelete

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