The Untold Stories

Feeling so blue the whole day.  I guess as I'm a 'new' on the app people are curious and some texted me. I should feel welcomed and maybe 'excited' that I'm still attractive on phone screens. But I didn't really care about those messages. I replied but I don't look forward to meeting or knowing any of them.  Went to swim. Saw a few Korean guys around my age there. They seemed to be having lots of fun swimming together. I was there by myself. I remembered how Jay and I used to go swimming together and how we called people names secretly like titanic 747 a380. And that there was once when we couldn't hold it anymore under water and had to stop to laugh out.  As I was pushing myself hard with my freestyle at the pool, I was thinking maybe I should tell the PT to not help me contact the local gay swim club. They train really hard and I was thinking maybe I am not up to par yet. I was also thinking what Jay would say if we were still together. He's ne...

I was going to title this "I broke up" but then I decided that it was going to be too sad.  So we finally, officially broke up on Saturday. One day before mid autumn festival.  I just took the shirts that he wore to wash. Normally he would wear the clothes again when he came over. That might be the last scent I had of him.  I went to the chiro today to fix my slanted butt, my pelvic bones were misaligned. Got a new pillow from the chiro too.  I reinstalled the apps. I even put my pic on it.  I told my friends (the few gay friends I have here) that I broke up.   I am enjoying the attention I get from the app.  I'm eating mooncakes alone.  I found a personal trainer who swims and went to the gym to have a chat with him. I'm going back to the gym I think.  I haven't started crying yet. I dreamed about him so much. I think I'm doing everything I can to pretend nothing really happened.  Every time we argued I threatened to break up with him. ...

My first time buying a watch! Whoa, it has been so long since I last blogged, since February. I had spates of negative posts before I met him. And after I met him, things seemed to be so much better. Perhaps I only write when I feel bad, when I feel like I need to pen down my thoughts, to pause for a while, to reflect. Since I met him, my life was finally back to 'normal'. No longer did I have to constantly look at my phone in anticipation of a notification from JackD, no longer did I have to worry about another sexual health check. I had someone to talk to, about my inner feelings, my career, current affairs, etc. I had someone whom I could entrust my body to and truly enjoyed sex. There was company. But there were also expectations, probably too much. How long have we (or had we) been together for? Hmm, > 1 year. There were lots, and lots of arguments. I complained a lot, revolving around several issues. I don't have the energy to summarise those argume...