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I just wanted to protect you idiot

Feeling stupid, feeling defeated, feeling like a loser...but if get to choose again, I would still do what I did, I would still have contacted you to warn you, even if I knew you would dismiss what I had to say as me being crazy or overly sensitive.

Because I can't afford to see you hurt. And so I couldn't help thinking about the worst case and to warn you about it.

My best friend and you and me. Just the thought of us getting manipulated in any way. I should have trusted my best friend but when it involves you I just can't. Yes I just can't!. Even if is at the expense of my friendship.

I lied to you (or even to myself) that I could move on and that I had moved on.

I know that one text or one call to you now is one text or one call less in the future. There is some sort of a quota.

You said you had moved on months ago. You said you had nothing else to say to me. But why did you also said that 'you were not ready' to talk? Why did you get so inflamed every time I wanted to talk about Us.

Can you tell me honestly....whether you still have any feelings for me?

It's been 6 months. It was last year (2016). Is it normal for people to be unable to move on even though it's been 6 months?

Why did god let me bump into you that evening? and again, right after my job interview when I had secretly hoped that I would be able to see you?

Why did you send me a text to wish me good luck before my job interview? How did you even remember?

Idiot, why can't you why can't you just.

Anyway, I would always be there for you if you need me, I would do everything to protect you, because I still care, and no one is going to stop me. I know I am not mentally ill, because I know who really has the place in my heart.

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