Positive Thinking Starting Everyday!

Today at the gym:

PT: Hey, how have you been?

Me: Hmm.. It's alright.

PT: Well, my boss told me that one cannot just be 'alright'. It's either good or bad. 

Me: I have just been busy organising for the move, probably that's why. 

I noticed he always had this really positive and cheerful vibe. 

Me: You are always so happy. 

PT: Well, yea, I guess I am, there's no reason to not be right? 

I noticed this stark contrast between my PT and I. He told me about his upcoming trips with his gf to the Great Barrier Reef, and later to Europe. He's always so full of energy too. He doesn't just stand there. He stands with good posture, plays with the exercise ball on his hand, his body language clearly signals that he is a very happy person. 

I took the train to the city for a walk after lunch. 

On the train, I took out my phone and googled "Why am i so negative?" 

I clicked on the first search result:

Negative thinking is a survival strategy that causes us to look for what is wrong so that we can protect ourselves against danger, but it is a very bad strategy because our thoughts actually create reality. So instead of preventing bad things from happening, we are telling the quantum mind to materialize them.

I am glad the article offers a cause/an explanation for my negativity. I am not 'a negative person' because no one is born to be one. I know i am negative, but that is because I am trying to protect myself from dangers.

Living in Sydney by myself is not hard. I have a comfortable place to sleep at night, nice food to eat, no hot and humid weather most of the time, etc. But it is definitely not easy.

There is no one to lean on. There is no one there to care or give a fuck about what I do. For example, I can leave my dishes unwashed for a week in the sink and nobody would know or say anything.

I have been financially independent ever since I came to Sydney. And now, with me having a full time job, and with my parents nearing retirement, I know I have to start taking them into consideration when I budget.

I am scared whenever I feel sick. Even just a sore throat. I am not a sissy. But I tend to think what if unfortunately I have this rare form of cancer. What if my parents are ill? I heard the private hospitals in Malaysia are really expensive. Would I be financially able to do my part as a son and give them the best medical care possible?

Ok, I should stop listing out all my worries, because this is Negative Thinking....

Anyway, my point is, years of living alone have had an impact on me. Which, is something that people either get it or don't get it. If you haven't experienced what I have experienced, you would probably never know how it feels.

The other thing i learned from this article is that Negative Thinking CAUSES Depression.

Depression is your body’s defense mechanism against the ill-effects of chronic negative thinking. Depression ‘turns down’ all emotional responses. Without depression, your body must deal with the constant fight-or-flight stress response that is the result of chronic negative thinking. Depression literally depresses the effects of negative thinking by numbing-you-out to fear, but depression is not selective so you also become numb to other emotions, such as love and joy.

No wonder I have been feeling so un-happy for a long time. I may not be sad, just 'Un-happy'- not feeling particularly happy.

I interpreted my 'not-feeling-particularly-happy' feeling as me simply becoming more 'matured', or 'calm' or 'world-weary', or maybe as guys we grow to be more 'cool'.

I don't get excited by many things anymore. You know how some girls tend to Overreact when they see pretty food? You know how kids get amazed by really simple things like getting a Sundae cone at McD? Or you know how you Smile when your parents greet you at the Arrivals Hall at KLIA?

I think this article might have nailed the problem with me. My feelings are numbed.

It is like my body is doing 'Hedging' (Finance). In Finance, we 'hedge' different types of risks. But in doing so, we also eliminate the positive risks- the likelihood of receiving positive returns.

So what should i do?

Negative thinking is simply thinking about what you do not want, while positive thinking is thinking about what you do want. Ask yourself, do I focus more on what I do want or what I don’t want?

So, in order for me to start feeling Happy again, I need to start telling my body that there is no need to be Depressed, that there is no need to numb my feelings. To do so, I would need to start thinking Positively- think about what I do want to achieve.

So here's my list:

1. I want to start living in the brand-new studio apartment which I will be renting starting next week. 

2. I want to start cooking again since I am now going to have my own kitchen. I want to make my own bread, my own jam, my Butter Chicken and take lots of pictures to share with my family. 

3. I want to regularly tidy up my apartment so that it looks clean and comfy all the time. 

4. I want to start trying to invite some friends over. Friends who could stand my OCD haha. Maybe a barbecue session since there are facilities. 

5. I want to see Jay and talk to him again. 

Lunch today was Smelly Big Breakfast at a local Korean cafe. 

Sydney's Barangaroo- many new buildings, restaurants, cafes, etc. All looking expensive though.