Another 6 days to go

This is just another lonely night. Perhaps this is what my body is telling me to be.

There are people that I could (re)connect with, technically. Like the ex-housemates, like the (ex)friends from uni, like some of you that I have made personal contact with, etc. But I don't feel like meeting people, or even talking to people.

I am on Jack'D and I don't feel like even replying to msgs. Sometimes I even forgot I have Jack'D.

When I was with my First, he liked to rent DVDs from those kiosks/vending machines sometimes but I liked going to the cinemas instead. I had never thought about renting DVDs until last weekend. My internet quota was almost reached, and I had nothing better to do. And so, in an effort to up my own mood a little, I decided to give it a try. I rented <<Kingsman the Secret Service>> and was surprised that it was on special, only costed me $1. The next day I watched <<Avengers...Ultron>>, costed me $2. Kingsman was more my thing, Avengers on the other hand was well a bit, erm...shallow. The American idea of a total world destruction was a bit overdone.

I met up with my supervisor at a nearby cafe last Friday. People must have wondered why my 'date' was an old lady until they saw us pulled out more and more documents. I am hoping that I could ease into the holiday mood now. I told her that I was going to be away for a few weeks.

I got my lonely planet guide book for Japan today. The one for Taiwan should arrive soon.

I don't know Japanese (the language) and it's really challenging in making sense of the places' names. Harajuku, Meiji-Jingu don't mean anything to me. This reminded me of my experience with Jay last year in Thailand and Vietnam. Those street names, station names. I have to admit for the most part, I was relying on Jay. We got a lonely planet book for Vietnam last year and it was quite useful in finding us the best places to dine. I still miss the 3 restaurants owned my that lady in Hoi An.

It's too hard not to think about Jay when I thought about the times we spent together in Thailand and Vietnam. We fought so many times, mainly it's me la, but u don't know Jay, he can be a total asshole too. We wanted to dump each other, but somehow we managed to stick with each other until the end.

There are still 6 days to go before we would see each other again. I am feeling nervous, I am feeling don't-know-what-to-feel.

I am a Gemini. And some say we are 'dreamers'. It's my habit to 'think' before I fall asleep every night. I like to think about 'sweet' things. Maybe this is also what's preventing me from falling asleep as the advice is to Not think about anything when you go to bed.

Every single night I thought about Jay, or rather, I 'imagined' Jay was all nice and sweet to me. Am I avoiding the issues then? Jay gave me a book to read. It's <Relationship Rescue> by Philip McGraw. I am no where close to finishing it. It's easy and fun to read. Most importantly, having an 'expert' analysing the dramas Jay and I had really made me realised how inconsequential certain things were. I don't think I can finish the book in six days and I am kind of afraid that it would make him think that I am not doing anything for the relationship.

But come to think of it, sometimes not doing anything and giving each other space and time, is 'doing something'.