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Dear Father In Heaven, what's your plan for me?

I have tried to stay optimistic every day. Every morning when I wake up, however, the first thing will be to check if my glands are swollen. There's fear and anxiety everytime I check them.

Went to the uni today and printed stuff to read. But I couldn't concentrate, even after I prayed. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about what has God planned for me. Will I be lucky enough to stay healthy?

I started to feel some fullness in my groin area. I am worried.

There's still no reply from my ex. I can only check out his Jack'D profile secretly from time to time.

I don't know for how long more I can keep myself sane. I feel like crying to my parents, to my family. Yes, I have a few friends who kindly supported me. But I just need someone closer to me to understand my feelings.

I've even started to look up for information about living with hiv. I know this is not helping me to feel better. But I need to have a plan. Who will be worried the most if I m in trouble? Who will be sad? My family for sure. And, I always see myself as the one in the family who contributes ideas and google for answers when there is a problem. What if I fall. Who is going to take care of my parents?

I am feeling really sad. And lonely because even he's not here with me. People keep telling me to stop worrying and that I will be fine.

It's just not worth it. Because of a jerk i met that day, my life may be ruined. But I can only blame myself, for being a slut, for not keeping my promise to God.

Where are you? Do you actually think about me?
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Comments

  1. Da Closet GuyMay 28, 2013 at 12:48 AM

    I'm sure He has you in His mind. I'm sure everything happened for a reason... Sometimes we might know why it happened, for now, but please be strong as you are the only person that can help yourself, better than anyone else! I'm sure everyone will stand by you, no matter what happen!!

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