Are you the ONE?

One thing being a gay and single is that, I tend to screen for prospective Bf, every single day, every single time a man, in the right age range walks past me. (Though the age range criteria has been relaxed most of the time)

It wasn't this 'serious' in the past, my brain wasn't working like this...

Now, it's getting a bit excessive sometimes. Stealing glances at random guys on the bus, in the park, around the neighbourhood, in the gym...And these glances are getting more and more 'advanced'. I know perfectly, where to scan, the legs, the butts, the triceps, the forearm, etc. I know the timing. I know where to sit on the bus so that I can have an easy access to the view. And most importantly, I acted as if I didn't care, with the cool face, acted as if I'm the least possible person to steal glances at random guys.

Am I perverted? weird? desperate?

Maybe it's the desperateness. With guys that I haven't met, I find myself having all these irrational thoughts/ expectations/ hopes. Sometimes, I wished, with that Malaysian guy that I just started chatting with on Jack'D would turn out to be the one.

I would be thinking, 'Oh, there must be a reason why out of so many guys we decided to chat with each other', and 'Oh, we share some common interests after all', and 'Oh, he's not too bad' etc.

I simply cannot think STRAIGHT nowadays. (no pun intended)

But on the other hand, I have grown a bit wiser lo.

In the past, I mean maybe 5 years ago, I would think that every gay is like me.

Me = Gay. Hence, Gays = me. 

I used to think that every gay should be good at their studies.
They must be the teachers' blue-eyed boys.
They couldn't have been involved in fights. (Though on two occasions in Primary, I turned into beast mode and attacked two boys and got to say that I was surprised that I was so powerful)
They would be sensitive and always think about the others' feelings.

That was Back Then, 5 years ago, when I had practically no experience in dealing with other gays. (In case you're wondering, yes, I was praising myself indirectly LOL)

And now,

I have seen brochures educating gay men about Domestic Abuse (gays who got abused by their partners)
I have seen gay men who are like soulless bodies soliciting for sex online
I have seen gay men who are racist
And yes, I can totally imagine gay thugs bullying me or beating me up

So I am trying to tell myself not to generalise. I am trying to convince myself that other than the dick-go-to-anus-instead-of-vagina part, gays are still human? And there are just so many kinds of them?

Even if a potential candidate appears to have a number of common interests/habits/values as me, I have to remind myself that, based on past experiences, every single individual is different. And it's tiring and potentially hurtful to expect that they see the world in Exactly the same way as me.

For example,
When you are dating a guy, some like to reply to your text immediately, some later, some never.
Some like to tell you what they are going to do, who they going to see, where they going everyday, BUT some don't.
Some like to have you around all the time, some secretly organise gatherings with friends without you.
Some know that you might be worried because of their actions/inactions. Some just lack the 'nerve' to even sense that.


While I was on my way home after buying my lunch takeaway, there was a white man sitting outside a Jap restaurant having his lunch. At first, I thought it must be me again, and that he wasn't actually looking at me. So I looked back at him just to make sure. But hell yes, he was looking at me! Staring straight into my eyes and smirked a little.

IN BROAD DAYLIGHT! Oh my... But well, he's out of the age range though still in shape. I just continued walking after the 'assault'. But he was really daring lo, and I like the straightforwardness. At least he got guts!

By the way, just checked-in online for the flight on Thursday. Again, I was hoping that the person sitting next to me could be the one.

But what are the odds right? Still hoping nonetheless!

Also, if you haven't tried it, turn on the Apps at the airport. I once chatted with a guy who's on the same flight as me while we were waiting to depart. And he told me there were actually another two on the same flight who chatted with him on the app!!