First 5 days at home

A chinese grocery store at the market

Strangely, I am not feeling all joyful, definitely not in euphoria.

Firstly, my routine gets disrupted. I haven't touched the book that I was reading since I came back, I haven't written a post till now, no gym, etc....

But isn't this what I wanted? To get away from the boring routine, and immerse myself in the company of family and friends?

I get annoyed. There are frictions. We've developed our own routines and ways of doing things.

I feel sad. I had dinner with my grandma the night I arrived. She's incontinent (not able to control her urination well). The following day when she saw me, she asked me when did I arrive. Clear sign of dementia.

I know it's all natural. There's no way to reverse ageing. She will leave one day, just like my grandpa. I tried visiting her when I have the car, but there wasn't much that we could talk about.

Next time when I come back again, she may not remember who I am anymore. Last CNY, I helped her to her room. She opened her wardrobe, and the drawer where she kept her money and the red packets. She placed RM10 into a packet and gave it to me. After a sec, she asked me if RM10 was too little. I assured her that the amount wasn't important and that it was enough, that I was happy.

Last year, before, during and after the first day of CNY, she kept asking us if she had given us the red packets. This year, she's asking the same questions again. She is aware that CNY is around the corner but she can't remember the dates.

It's the act of love that she can't forget, that she makes sure she remembers. Dear grandma, I just wan to let you know that it's ok. It doesn't matter if you can't remember me one day, because I remember, not every-thing but the many acts of love that you have given to me. Very often, when I can't fall asleep or when I am feeling down, I will reminisce about the memories shared by you, grandpa and me. And I will feel loved again.

I also find it really hard to 'change' people's habits/behavior/thinking. Even though it's the family. Even though I am sure that 'my way' is superior than 'their ways'. I feel tired. More like fed up. You choose your own life. I can only suggest. It's entirely up to you.

Layers of cream. Can you guess the name of the cake? 

My elder sis got a cake from Secret Recipe for my dad's birthday. We've been getting SR's
cakes in the last few years. Not the best cake shop, but it's convenient for my sis. Around RM90 but it's huge so I had lots of cake over the last few days. Calories :( I forgot to tell my sis that I want to chip in...but I have a feeling that she won't accept it..what should I do??

Posted a CNY greeting card to KK and Chris. Think the staff at the post office told me to wrong rate. Hopefully it will still arrive at their doorstep safely. Was told by the stationery shop owner that they (the greeting card companies) have stopped printing new CNY greeting cards this year. Didn't know that people stop sending CNY cards to families and friends?