Skip to main content

First 5 days at home

A chinese grocery store at the market

Strangely, I am not feeling all joyful, definitely not in euphoria.

Firstly, my routine gets disrupted. I haven't touched the book that I was reading since I came back, I haven't written a post till now, no gym, etc....

But isn't this what I wanted? To get away from the boring routine, and immerse myself in the company of family and friends?

I get annoyed. There are frictions. We've developed our own routines and ways of doing things.

I feel sad. I had dinner with my grandma the night I arrived. She's incontinent (not able to control her urination well). The following day when she saw me, she asked me when did I arrive. Clear sign of dementia.

I know it's all natural. There's no way to reverse ageing. She will leave one day, just like my grandpa. I tried visiting her when I have the car, but there wasn't much that we could talk about.

Next time when I come back again, she may not remember who I am anymore. Last CNY, I helped her to her room. She opened her wardrobe, and the drawer where she kept her money and the red packets. She placed RM10 into a packet and gave it to me. After a sec, she asked me if RM10 was too little. I assured her that the amount wasn't important and that it was enough, that I was happy.

Last year, before, during and after the first day of CNY, she kept asking us if she had given us the red packets. This year, she's asking the same questions again. She is aware that CNY is around the corner but she can't remember the dates.

It's the act of love that she can't forget, that she makes sure she remembers. Dear grandma, I just wan to let you know that it's ok. It doesn't matter if you can't remember me one day, because I remember, not every-thing but the many acts of love that you have given to me. Very often, when I can't fall asleep or when I am feeling down, I will reminisce about the memories shared by you, grandpa and me. And I will feel loved again.

I also find it really hard to 'change' people's habits/behavior/thinking. Even though it's the family. Even though I am sure that 'my way' is superior than 'their ways'. I feel tired. More like fed up. You choose your own life. I can only suggest. It's entirely up to you.

Layers of cream. Can you guess the name of the cake? 


My elder sis got a cake from Secret Recipe for my dad's birthday. We've been getting SR's
cakes in the last few years. Not the best cake shop, but it's convenient for my sis. Around RM90 but it's huge so I had lots of cake over the last few days. Calories :( I forgot to tell my sis that I want to chip in...but I have a feeling that she won't accept it..what should I do??

Posted a CNY greeting card to KK and Chris. Think the staff at the post office told me to wrong rate. Hopefully it will still arrive at their doorstep safely. Was told by the stationery shop owner that they (the greeting card companies) have stopped printing new CNY greeting cards this year. Didn't know that people stop sending CNY cards to families and friends?

Comments

  1. Is it called Chocolate Indulgence?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Happy Chinese New Year. Enjoy the warmth of celebration and the family :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happy Chinese New Year... Have a blessed and great time in Malaysia...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy CNY! will try to savour every moment here....trying hard lol

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How long is 20 months?

It's been almost a year since I last wrote. So what prompted me to write again? I still haven't gotten over Jay. He left in June 16? Yes, its now March 18. Shocking right,? How can someone, especially someone like me who can be so determined in my career and studies, who is so rational in all other material aspects, fail to marshal the power to put an end to it. I wanted to write, to remind myself how much time has passed, as his second birthday post our breakup is coming up. Last year, I mailed him a gift and a card. There was no reply. He finally agreed to meet over lunch about half a year ago? I texted him on a monthly basis to say hello. He would give me a simple reply if he felt like it. There was this perpetual urge to see him, to talk to him. I took photos of the baked goods I made. I used the 'save' feature on Facebook to save cute or funny videos. I hoped one day I would have the opportunity to show him all these. How foolish. I noticed I did

The "Emergency Contact"

Got a letter from the insurance company this morning, confirming that my conditions are not 'pre-existing'. Glad that they are willing to pay for my colonoscopy and endoscopy (with an 'excess' of $500, which means I would have to pay for the first $500 in a calendar year for any claims I make).  I called the clinic quickly to make an appointment for the procedures. The earliest they have is this Wednesday, so I will be 'admitted' this Wednesday afternoon.  The lady over the phone said that I must arrange for someone to bring me home after the procedure because I will be sedated (as opposed to anaesthesia) and under NSW laws it is a requirement that I go home accompanied.  I can't think of anyone really. No family, no friends, no one, just me alone. I told her I have no one that I can ask. I wondered what she thought, poor kid maybe. Fortunately, there is a specialised cab service that I can hire to escort me home.  Then, there was the pre-admi

I am free!

Submitted my thesis last week. Worked till 6am, sent my final draft to my supervisor, and went to bed. Didn't really sleep though, as I set my alarm at 8am, and by then, my supervisor had already emailed me the final edits required. I incorporated the final changes, and saved a few copies to my pen drives, to dropbox, before I showered and headed off to uni to print. Deadline was at 12pm, I was at the print shop at around 10.30am. It was a super cheerful asian lady. The print shop was empty, probably because it was Stuvac. Printed the entire thing in colour, cost me a fortune. But luckily the lady kindly gave me some discounts, so nice of her. Took a few photos of them before I handed them in. Uni is finally over!!! ...OR probably not??! One of the best things being with Jay, is that he is interesting. He's smart. Because, you know, I am already smart, so I need someone smarter for some stimulation. (Just kidding!! :-p) I called him right after I finished posting the ph