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Dutch apple cake

You just walked away...
Again
When I am most in need

Feeling really sad these few days. Falling asleep seemed impossible, for the last two nights I was only able to sleep until 5-6am. I'd then try to drag myself out of the apartment, trying to stay positive, but i know it's all fake. The positivity just isn't there. I couldn't concentrate. Regardless of how many 'happiness' TED videos I watched, or how hard I tried to meditate, I simply cannot breathe peacefully. I could feel it. I couldn't take a long breath. It's like you know crying might help but you just can't find a reason to cry. Nobody's died yet. Everything is just going on as per normal, on the surface at least.

I finally sent an email to my supervisors, telling them about the difficulties I am facing (the insomnia, the abdomen). They seemed empathic with their replies, but I will only find out what options I have until I meet with them on thursday.

I feel so empty right now. Like there's no real purpose of me being in this world. I am not suicidal, it is simply a reflection about everything... My work, my relationship. I have no one, literally no one that i can confide in. I feel so sorry for myself.

I went to Starbucks. Got myself a 'short' hot chocolate and a slice of 'dutch apple cake'. The warmth that radiated from the cup of hot chocolate in my hand felt so real, on a surprisingly cooler night in Sydney.

I think probably one of my life goals was to have starbucks breakfast everyday. It was something that I couldn't quite afford when I was still in college. But now, when I can actually afford to have it everyday, I don't actually want it anymore.
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