The Desire to be Desired

Talked to my supervisors today, and I think it went well.

I watched two random TED videos tonight about 'love', and the videos defined 'love' in more or less the same way.

You can say I love to eat cheese, and I love my boyfriend. What's the difference?

The cheese is not going to love you back! It also doesn't bother the cheese whether you like it or not!

But when it comes to love, real love, it is the desire to be desired.

We hope the person we love would also love us back. But I am doubting.

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How long is 20 months?

It's been almost a year since I last wrote. So what prompted me to write again? I still haven't gotten over Jay. He left in June 16? Yes, its now March 18. Shocking right,? How can someone, especially someone like me who can be so determined in my career and studies, who is so rational in all other material aspects, fail to marshal the power to put an end to it. I wanted to write, to remind myself how much time has passed, as his second birthday post our breakup is coming up. Last year, I mailed him a gift and a card. There was no reply. He finally agreed to meet over lunch about half a year ago? I texted him on a monthly basis to say hello. He would give me a simple reply if he felt like it. There was this perpetual urge to see him, to talk to him. I took photos of the baked goods I made. I used the 'save' feature on Facebook to save cute or funny videos. I hoped one day I would have the opportunity to show him all these. How foolish. I noticed I did ...

The "Emergency Contact"

Got a letter from the insurance company this morning, confirming that my conditions are not 'pre-existing'. Glad that they are willing to pay for my colonoscopy and endoscopy (with an 'excess' of $500, which means I would have to pay for the first $500 in a calendar year for any claims I make). I called the clinic quickly to make an appointment for the procedures. The earliest they have is this Wednesday, so I will be 'admitted' this Wednesday afternoon. The lady over the phone said that I must arrange for someone to bring me home after the procedure because I will be sedated (as opposed to anaesthesia) and under NSW laws it is a requirement that I go home accompanied. I can't think of anyone really. No family, no friends, no one, just me alone. I told her I have no one that I can ask. I wondered what she thought, poor kid maybe. Fortunately, there is a specialised cab service that I can hire to escort me home. Then, there was the pre-admi...

Life Too Gay

Secret Santa. Christmas gift 2013 to one of my housemates. Had a test yesterday. Went to the nearby Myer department store to look for a gift for the Secret Santa event at my accommodation. Budget was $10. Saw a lot of cute little inventions, most of them averaged around $20. Could have gotten something within budget but it wouldn't be as interesting so I decided to get this little duckling infuser. It's sightly over budget ($15) but it's worth the while because I think he likes it! (I think he still doesn't know that it's from me, he's also gay by the way) Gay much? I got a box of chocolates, an assortment of mini mars bars, milky way, M&Ms, etc. To be honest, I didn't like it! I have been trying to avoid chocolates, so that I don't have to take in unnecessary calories. My chocolate quota is reserved for really down moments, when I really need to up my mood. But I still put up a smile la, my secret santa must be looking at me when I unw...

The Untold Stories

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