The Untold Stories

So, I think I got butt problem.  A few days ago, when I was showering, I noticed a small, raised bump. It's there. I have been applying tea tree oil to it for a few days, twice a day.  There's peeling, because of the tea tree oil. I think it's slightly flatter but it's there. Not itchy, not painful.  And today, when I was checking the butt with the mirror and the light, I noticed quite many tiny red dots on my butt. They are so small, like dots. I don't know if they are related to the first bump.  If the first bump is really a HPV genital wart, could it have spread to the surrounding area? Is tea tree oil making it worse?  These tiny red dots could be raised or flat, I don't know.  What should I do what should I do??!!  According to what I have gathered, HPV is so common that 90 percent of people would have been infected just that they don't get symptoms like bumps??  And the treatment is topical. You apply some ge...

It's titled the house party simply because it's like the only 'highlight' for the day. It's funny how a person's mood can change from good to bad and back to ok just in one day. Got a muffin and coffee ($7) and 'sunbathed' for 30 mins on the balcony. (Good mood) Realising that my throat is still dry and feels a little bit inflamed, and checking my throat using a mirror and the smartphone torch light made me feel worried and depressed. Until now, after having vitamin C and drinking lots of water and a nap, I can still feel like I may get a sore throat anytime, and it can be a symptom and I am dead. And then, I was thinking of excuses to not going to the party tonight because I was feeling so emo. So it's a house party. It's just at my house, the place that I am living. Housemates have been confirming my attendance with me. And I have been saying yes. If I don't go, people would start saying I am being aloof and all that. It's t...

This is going to be another rather depressing post. Don't continue to read it if you are already stressed/depressed. . Also, as I want to use this blog to record about things that I have been through/ experienced, I am honest about my thoughts/feelings/opinions/etc. I am not trying to make things look polished here so you may find this space to be unattractive or even disgusting (coz I am going to talk about my butt today). Yesterday started well. It was very warm and sunny when I woke up. I bought some breakfast and went to the balcony to get some sun. As I had nothing planned for the day, I decided to go to the gym. Came home, wasted a bit of time and went to church in the evening. Not long into the service, my left eye started to feel itchy. I am usually very careful with hygiene and I don't know why it happened. The first thing I did when I came home was to check my eye. It wasn't very red, probably a little. I was so worried that it's a symptom of hiv infec...

Since young, I've always liked to drink. (Not drinking alcohol!)  I like to eat as well (my grandma gave me the title 'the rat in the house' because I would check the cupboards in the kitchen for 'new arrivals', cookies that she had just bought home for me).  Back to drinking, I guess a good way of putting it is that my parents are thrifty. I don't think we were very poor la, but now come to think of it it's a bit sad haha.  For example, as kids we didn't know there were choices. So breakfast, we had bread because dad would always buy a loaf of Gardenia bread and we would eat it with jams. I liked peanut butter a lot for my bread but my dad would say they were expensive compared to just having fruit jams. But anyway, once in a while, I still succeeded in convincing him to get me peanut butter for breakfast.  So back to being thrifty. So, I have always envied people in the supermarkets who could get whatever they wanted into the shopping ...

It's almost 12 now and I'm actually quite exhausted. Though my words may not be very organized but I guess it's good to pen it down before I go to bed. Have been kinda busy yesterday and today. Had to continue with marking the papers and today was running back and forth from uni to retrieve some documents. Brought him to see the JP to get some documents certified. Continued with marking. Came home shower and closed my eyes for 20 mins and headed out to his place again. Before working on the visa, we had dinner. It was his treat. Probably I was tired or was I in a worry/emo mode, he kept saying that I didn't look like I was enjoying the food. I told I was just tired. But actually my mind was away. There were lots of things on my mind. For a moment, i was thinking about this relationship thing. Have you ever tried asking your ex about 'his current bf'? The feeling was weird. And for the next moment, I couldn't help but to worry about my health, or the pr...

It's still rainy and windy here in Sydney. Didn't do much today. Braced the rain this morning to get myself a Bacon and Zucchini muffin and a cup of Flat White. I told myself I needed them, I had to brighten up my day a bit. For lunch, I cooked myself a combination of 8 beans, it's called the 'eight treasure porridge' in Mandarin. I didn't really have the mood to play Dota today, despite the addition of 'heroes' that was released two days ago. I was just browsing through some profiles on Fridae. No chats, nothing at all. Went to the church in the evening. Was happy that we sang 'In Christ Alone' today again. The sermon was on the 'unforgivable sin', which I was able to follow through without much yawning. Quickly left the church after the service, and heated up the chicken curry I bought and had it with some plain rice. Streamed some TVB dramas tonight. Yes, there was no human interaction for me today. In fact, other than people...

It's been quite a busy week. Two part-times, and I am grateful that I got the chance to mark some exam papers- good money to help me stay alive in Sydney. About two days ago, I decided to write him an email. He's in his final semester and I know given his circumstances he wouldn't be able to apply for PR for now. I didn't know if he was going to stay, how was he going to apply for visa, etc. And it might mean that I would never get to see him again, if he was to leave this place permanently. I tried to be as sincere as I could. After all, it's been almost half a year since we last met. I think he must have moved on and probably still hate me. I didn't expect a reply at all. But surprisingly, there was a beep from my phone and I saw a notification from Gmail. I couldn't believe what I read. He said he was sorry about the last time (for being unreasonable on Skype) and that he would message me the next morning because it was late and he was too tired to ...

So this is my desk.  I finally had the courage today to clear away the clutter on my desk. Not only my desk actually, I've also thrown out 3 garbage bags full of stuff.  This is the before and after look.  Yes, it took courage. For the last 6 months or so or probably longer, I was just too tired emotionally to re-organize my life, my desk, my everything.  See the piles of notes, journal articles and books there? I wasn't reading them. I put my studies on hold. But I just didn't have the courage to put them away.  As I was tidying the desk/room this afternoon, I was reminded a lot about my ex. Old stuff resurfaced.  There are the backpack he bought me, the wax seal, the lego I made, the box for the lego I bought him, the pair of remote controlled helicopters we own, the drawing book he gave me, etc.... He was also the one who changed the configuration of my room (how my bed and desk are placed now).  There are just so mu...

We sang 'In Christ Alone' this evening at church. It's one of my favorite songs in the church and I was trying so hard to hold back my tears.  My eyes were already filled my tears just that I was able to somehow not let them fall. I wonder if anyone noticed it.  No guilt in life, no fear in death, This is the power of Christ in me; From life's first cry to final breath. Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man, Can ever pluck me from His hand; Till He returns or calls me home, Here in the power of Christ I'll stand. Yes, I am being quite emo today. And the gloomy and wet weather in Sydney just made it worse.  I couldn't really concentrate on listening to what the Rev was preaching. My mind was away.  For a moment, I hated God. I am confused. I don't know where I belong and what I ought to do. I don't know my destiny.  Hang on, in case you think I am a holy person, I dun think I am! Do you know what I have...

What happened? The title says it all. I had sex. A random encounter, at the infamous gay sauna, the place where I once swore not to visit again. I dun have to find an excuse. I was simply horny. Thanks to the porn, the testosterone, or whatever. I can't find a 'bf' to just have sex and there wasn't someone on Jack'D that I could go out with. So the simplest way was to visit the sauna. The crowd was kinda mixed. Level three is a towel free zone tonight. I was kinda 'satisfied' already after about an hour of cruising in the sauna. Naked men all around me, quite a few touched me which I politely moved their hands away and quietly enjoying the scene. It was at level 2 that one guy grabbed me and led me into a room. He was very well built, lean, and toned. Vietnamese, from Liverpool NSW is all I know about him. Not even his age and name. His body was super smooth and I guess the body fat percentage must be very low too. Not hunky and very toned. So ...

When I'm horny, I feel like there's suddenly so many hot guys on Jack'd and I'll start saying hi to every one of them. I feel like I suddenly look so good, suddenly the pecs are so nice, the v-line is coming out, etc. LOL. Don't know if anyone of you feels the same? Just released the tank. It was a good 30 minutes of self entertainment. The scent of the oil was definitely a turn on. I was automatically 'switched on' when I smelled it. Smelled so familiar, yes it's what we used to use. Could have gone on for a bit longer but was getting sore. Hopefully I can get super good sleep tonight to recharge all the energy lost. If not i will be a zombie tomorrow at work...

I don't know how to describe how I feel now...  It feels like the whole world is so quiet suddenly. Or maybe I am just tired.  Had work in the restaurant today.  Haven't slept well in the last few nights.  Will have work tomorrow afternoon.  Just after I finished dinner, I noticed this rash on my wrist.  Two days ago I had some tiny red dots/ rash on my waist but that's disappeared now.  Just as I thought I could be relieved of the fear for a few days, I saw this now.  What if it doesn't fade away? What if... I dun even dare to think about it.  The masseur spitted on my dick. What if???  I m worried, but I'm tired. I dozed off on my bed just now thinking about all these... 

I've had a really boring and dull weekend. Despite the skype sessions I had with the cutie from the faraway land, with my parents, sisters and aunt, there was basically nothing exciting at all.  Oh yea, I met up with a 42 y.o guy yesterday. He's been asking me out so since I had nothing to do, I finally agreed to meet him. The reluctance to meet at first was due to the fact that he's much older than me and I thought it could be hard for us to have common interests and even less possible for us to date. Anyway, he looked quite different from the pic, as he's grown quite a lot horizontally I guess. It was however an okay chat session, dun think we will ever meet again.  This is my lunch today. A beef, egg, bacon burger, with some garden salad and chips. And needless to say, the flat white is a must-have for me. I eat alone most of the time because I have no friends!  Yes, I said it, BECAUSE I CAN. LOL.  It's a very difficult thing, I noticed, fo...

Last few days have passed really quickly as I have gone back to the restaurant that I used to work for. I know they were short of people but because the pay rate isn't high so I was hoping to get a better one. Anyway, since i didn't get a better one, I sort of have to go back so that at least I am earning some income and not relying on my family totally.  The burning sensation that I had have kinda become less obvious these two days. But I guess I am still kinda anxious with symptoms.  I was a bit upset this morning because I saw some tiny red spots near my waist, and above my right nipple. I just couldn't help worrying. Luckily, i was able to be distracted for a few hours because of work this afternoon.  I went to see a chinese doctor at Tong Ren Tang yesterday. Sleep is an ongoing issue for me, which the doctor got it right. He said my digestive system is not very good, which is true. Will be having the medicine (cooked and vacuum-packed) for the whole w...