Game (Dota 2)

I can already imagine people not clicking the link to this blog post or simply stop reading when they see the title.

I was like that too.

With the exception of Dota 2, I'm never a games person. Computer games/Video games/PSP/PS3/Nintendo/Wii/Game Boy/Xbox- Never.

The only game that I was able to complete was Pokemon Yellow. I played it using an 'emulator' on my PC while I was in Secondary One. Even with that, I had to consult friends when I got stuck in one of the levels.

I've played Mario on my computer too. But my hands would get too sweaty and I would get too scared of 'dying'. Never competed the game. One or two stages only.

I've also played a few times of 'Street Fighters' and 'Need for Speed' on PS2.

I don't own any gaming console. I actually hoped for a Game Boy, the very first generation when I saw my younger cousin playing with his, but I knew I would never be able to convince my parents to get me one. And as I grow older, I just didn't think about it anymore.

When I went to KL (Subang Jaya) to start my Pre-U at Taylor's, it was also the time when Dota became so popular that every cyber cafe that I walked past would have a banner/poster showing D.O.T.A. I knew it's game, and more importantly I knew it's something from a different world. Something that was so irrelevant to my life.

I moved into a hostel during my second year in SJ. And the Dota nightmare officially began there. I didn't have a choice, it just came into my life. Ever since my housemates started Dota, I had never had a good night sleep. They would shout so loud, even at 1 or 2 or 3 am.

I hated Dota even more because of that. At that time, to me, dota was something played by the wild kids, the hopeless kids, the bad ones. And I, being the obedient, the hardworking, the 'holy' one would never touch that dirty thing.

People say, never say never. It's so true.

I'm playing Dota 2 now. As often as every day.

It was because of my ex.

I can vaguely remember that there was one day, his best friend was playing dota at his apartment, and I was there. They talked about it with so much passion. Me, of course I was trying to hide my hatred towards it and tried to be open-minded.

And then they talked more and more about dota. It sounded like something technical, something that not everyone who plays it will be good at it. It's also that time when his younger brother came over to Sydney to study.

The whole apartment would be filled with Dota related conversations. It seemed to me at that point that if I could play dota, they will like me more.

Being a nerd, a total nerd, I couldn't talk much with his brother, and it got awkward because my ex was still in the closet and it would be weird to have me over all the time and me being someone who seemed so different from their world.

So I decided to instal dota on my laptop. My ex only had a macbook that time so I thought I could also let him use my laptop to play with his friend and his bro.

I could only see all the benefits that should ensue from me installing and playing dota.

But I was wrong. We had a lot of arguments because of the game. To be honest, he wasn't a good teacher. They were many things that he didn't teach me about the game. Hence, I was so bad at it.

To make things worse, if I was playing with him and his best friend, he would always go together (in the same lane) with his friend. And I would be the silly one, staying alone in my lane, getting gank-ed by the opponent team.

And, while I was being attacked, he would quickly run away. And I was like, wtf, how could you just leave me to die. And if the same situation happened when he was fighting with his friend, he would rather die to save his friend.

He denied. He said the situations were different. I complained to him, I said it's unfair. I felt sad because  blah blah blah....

Some may think that I take things too seriously, even for a game. But it really scared me, it made me doubt myself,  and the relationship. At one point, he actually barred me from playing with him and his friend. And if I talked about dota, he would be unhappy.

We had a lot of conversations. I didn't understand. I just couldn't. I needed explanations from him as to why was I treated that way. He said I was 'invading' into his life. The part of life that he would like to only spend with his friend and his bro.

I was questioning my 'masculinity'. Like how this dota thing is for guys. Like if you are good at it, you are the leader you are the man.

I tried to explain to him that I wasn't trying to invade, I was trying to create topics so that I could mix better with your friend and your bro.

Well, until now, I still haven't got an answer.

Anyway, I play it now sometimes for fun, sometimes to numb myself, so that I could go into a game and stop worrying for an hour or so.

I'm getting better at it.

Some told me that not many gays would play dota. But if you do, let me know. Don't worry, i'm really better at it now.

It's free-to-play now.

Let me know k.