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Longing for Peace and Love

Peace, and Love are things that we easily take for granted. In the past 2 months especially, I have been struggling to get peace and to feel loved. I've always failed to realised the importance of Peace and Love until I lost them. I hope I have learned something. I hope I will be able to not take things for granted, but I know it's always easier said than done.

I phoned to the Sexual Health clinic this afternoon, and I was given a negative test result. Thank God. Before the test, I kept telling myself, if the 4th week post-pep test is negative, I should most likely be ok because I've had tests at 1,2,3,4 wk post-pep and the tests detect both antigens and antibodies. If PEP failed, the virus should be replicating and the tests should be able to detect the antigen component at least, even if not enough antibodies were produced.

However, now having the 4th week test result, I am still not relieved. I've been thinking about various possible reasons that could cause a false negative result.

Yesterday night, while on my way to have dinner with a classmate, I accidentally poked myself with one of the pointy buttons of my cardigan. Immediately after that, I noticed a painful knot just below my right rib cage. Was it because of the poke? Or was it already there?

This morning the 'knot' was gone. But until now I could still feel some slight pain at that area, like pain from bruises, when I soaped myself during shower. Could it be my liver I thought? Could it be Hepatitis C? Then what about the Hep C Qualitative PCR test that I had done? Could it be false negative? If I were infected with Hep C, could it affect my HIV test result?

Should I see a doctor for Liver Function test and Hep C test again? Which doctor should I go to?

These are the questions surrounding my head right now. I'm tired. I really am.

I have started to apply for a 'deferral'. Hopefully everything will go smoothly with the application.

Saw this video on Fridae. My tears were dripping as I watched it. Phrases like 'I grew up lonely', 'want to be wanted', and from the parents 'I accepted it', and the song at the end 'Home', touched me deeply. I'm sure all of you will have at least similar feelings too.

I'm lucky to be part of the Uniting Church in Australia, which is very accepting of gays. But I was a taken aback when two female housemates (also part of the church) didn't seem to be approving of gays in our conversation. I wonder what my parents and my family will think about gays.


Comments

  1. I went!! It was awesome!!!! Glad that I could be part of it =D

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