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Alone Again

It's almost time for bed. But am forcing myself to write these down.

General
Family had gone back to Malaysia yesterday morning. Had to booked two taxis as they were unable to send me a 'Maxi' (an MPV).

Arrived at the airport, checked in and had hungry jacks breakfast. Bought some scones the night before, so my parents had scones, my elder sis wanted porridge and me and my younger sis had the breakfast sets. (Am I going into too much details here?)

Sent them off. Had a pic taken outside the departure gate. Wasn't teary at all. Was probably too tired. Anyway, it's just 8 hours away, no big drama.

Spent the whole afternoon yesterday watching porn, sleeping, wanking. Went to the gym for a 30 min run. Had McD for dinner. Purchased the Large Meal so I got a free Coca-cola glass. It's actually my first glass of this sort. Never collected McD merchandise.

Played one game (dota) last night. I was so so bad. Probably lacked of practise for a week plus I was so tired.

Woke up late this morning, 10-ish. Finally able to sleep in and not have to get up early to buy breakfast for them.

Went to the gym for Yoga class! Felt good

Didn't do much today. Went to Chinatown to buy some dried Chrysanthemum and a teapot. Bought dinner there too.

Watched Kangxi. Uploaded the pics to Facebook. And now preparing to sleep.

Relationship
Actually should this be titled 'Relationship'? I don't know. It's still a form of relationship i guess.

So I've been wanting to tell my ex this. I wanted to tell him not to take cum in his mouth during oral sex. I wanted to let him know that it is still dangerous.

So last night, I saw him online on Skype. When I finally decided to say hi, he went offline. The timing was just perfect :(

So I was afraid what if the next time he signs in and he sees a 'hi' from me, and thinks that I am trying to 'disturb' him again.

So I texted him before I went to bed last night. I told him I only wanted to leave a short message to him. Nothing else.

This morning, I texted him again and told him the 'message'.

Just now, I noticed that I was removed from his Skype already.

I kinda expected this to happen.

I'm blocked on Whatsapp, removed from FB, Jack'D (multiple times), and now Skype.

I dun care, I just want him to get the 'message'. Even though he's no longer my bf officially, I still care about him. And i think it's 'worth it', coz the 'message' is kinda important. Me being blocked is just a matter of time.

I still miss him dearly. Every night or whenever I am going to sleep, I will fantasise that he's hugging me, saying sweet words to me, etc.

I can only imagine I will still feel weird if someone else were to cuddle me now and in the near future. It's different. You are special.

How long more will I feel like this? I don't know. Am I still in love with him? Or am i refusing to accept the reality? Or is there a difference between the two?

Health
I have had tests at 3,4,5 weeks post the unprotected oral sex. Thank god that all the tests were negative.

I wan to stay healthy. I will get another test hopefully next week. I really wan to be able to live without the constant fear that I am experiencing daily.


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Comments

  1. CYAugust 18, 2013 at 2:11 AM

    Hmm yea I remember the removal from Skype being the final nail in the coffin. Took me nearly a year but despite the occasional reminiscence you will get over it. Time and tide eases all things.

    ReplyDelete
  2. soul232August 18, 2013 at 4:32 PM

    First love is always the special one. U will get over him but the feeling will linger; long after it ended. Cherish it, I suppose. There's no use denying it

    ReplyDelete

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