Exhausted

I am exhausted. I think I'm pushing myself towards the max already.

Travelling around with the family made me think about stuff even more. It made me realise how 'important' I am.

Perhaps it's my point of view, and I really hope it's just me being biased and not being able to see from another perspective. I really hope this is not the case.

I noticed that my sisters are passive, they are not as 'smart' or 'thoughtful' or 'well-planned' as me. It made my worried.

Every day, while they are here, I will have to think about places to bring them to. I will have to make sure that while bringing them to those places, on our way there and while we are there, they will be able to hear 'important info' I tell them so that they don't miss anything, so that it will be worth their trip.

I will have to make sure they are following, that I am not walking too fast. I will have to think about places for us to dine. I will have to remind them to bring their bus tickets, to bring warm clothing out. I will have to make them tea at night when we get home so that they won't fall sick.

I can't wake up late coz I need to buy them breakfast or bring them out for breakfast. I have to wait for them to go to toilet before we go out and when we go out.

I feel like they are not moving. I feel like I have to drag them.

They are not telling me where they want to go. They are not walking fast enough. If we finish a place, they will just take their time, idling.

I feel like I am a teacher trying to cover all the syllabus while my students just don't give a fxxx.

I feel like I am the only adult bringing my kids around.

They simply can't survive without me. If I say go visit the places yourselves today coz I am sick, I think they won't be able to do it and their trip will be wasted.

I am feeling quite disappointed with my sisters. I am the middle child.

The elder one is willing to help but lack the 'ability'. Everyone in the family has a smartphone. But no one knows how to use Google Maps/GPS for navigation purposes. And didn't seem like they are interested to learn.

The younger one is annoying. As a uni student already, as I told her, you should have basic 'research' skills. Just try and look for answers yourself. Just google. And use your judgement to see which sources are the reliable ones.

Today at lunch I made the comment that if I die, will you two be able to take care of the parents?

If the parents are sick, do you know where to bring them, which doctor is the best, etc.

I am feeling stressed. And that's the reason why I feel so worried that something bad will happen to me and the family is just going to collapse.

Come on, I dun even see myself as a super smart guy! But they are so many things that I know better than them!

My stomach is still giving my trouble! I am not having high fever, at least I can't feel it. I feel tired, emo!

I wish I get a hug, a real one, and some comforting words.

I dun know how can we be so different!